The Lavery Twins

The Lavery Twins - Chapter 24

I took my hoodie off, and put it on the arm rest so I could use it as a pillow. Looking down at myself, I saw I had these messed up tan lines. I rolled my eyes, and let out the most loudest sigh ever before flopping back down onto the couch, my eyes glued to Finding Nemo. Alot of time I feel like Nemo, except I'm not a clownfish. Did you know that Clownfishes are transexuals? I remember reading that somewhere.

While watching the movie, I kept imagining my head on Nemo's body, and it ruined the whole movie for me, because it was probably the most disturbing thing ever. I rolled off my side, and onto my back, looking up at the ceiling. I was too lazy to get up, I think I was going to live on this couch. My eyes trailed around the room, and stopped at my arms. Which were completely clear and fine, and not covered in stupid cuts like people assume because of how I look. People always make fun of me, and it's cool with me, but the fact that I'm always made fun of for being an 'emo faggot' really pisses me off. Because I have a lip piercing, and I listen to metal and don't like to stand out like my brother, I'm automatically 'Matt's emo faggot twin brother'. Yeah, one guy actually said that to my face. But, I guess you learn to ignore that stuff, and just roll your eyes and walk away.

I don't have problems. Well, sure, I have my depressing days, where I just want everybody to disappear. Or most people, anyway. But, not once have I harmed myself.....because you cannot solve your problems by hurting yourself.

The only real problem I have is my self-esteem. I hate it, and it's really bad. People think only girls have self-esteem issues, but no. No, because there were many times where I found myself crying because of the way I look. If that's not a self-esteem issue, I don't know what the fvck that is. Mental retardation, I guess.

When nobody's around, sometimes I sit in my room and cry because of how much I hate myself. Nobody hears me, or knows about my issue, and it's good Matt doesn't know, because even though he's my twin, he would never let me live it down. Matt likes to brag, he likes to tell me how much better he is (not in those words, but basically that's what he does)......and he always ruins everything for me.

This is why I haven't been talking to him lately. I realised how much I hate him. All my life, it's always been Matt who got everything. I never want anything, because I know that no matter what, Matt would take it from me anyways. Of course, the one thing I really want, he takes.

Holly.

I sighed. Holly. I've been inlove with that girl since I was five years old. It was when her mom died, and I saw her crying on her front porch, her head in her hands with her little bear she called 'Pookie' beside her. It was the first time I seen her cry, and right then, I knew that I was completely heartbroken. At five years old, I felt my heart shatter to pieces when I saw that girl next door crying. But, back then, I still thought girls had cooties, so I did all that I could to be mean to Holly because I didn't want her to think I liked her. I thought she would be disgusted with me. I also remember the day Matt and I completely ruined her teddybear. The last thing her mom gave her before she died. You see, I didn't know that until after. When I say I didn't know until after, I mean I didn't know until this year. Matt's the one who told me, and I don't think I'll ever be able to live down that guilt. Guilt for two reasons, helping my brother kill it and laughing with him after, and guilt for the fact that Matt knew about the bear and I didn't.

I knew though, that ever since the day we were on the plane coming back to Florida, that there would never be a chance with Holly and I. When Matt looked at me and said, "I wonder if Holly missed us." I knew that it was going to be Matt. It's always Matt.

So there goes my whole life. Not literally....but basically. The one girl I ever loved, ever actually cared for, is being stolen by my brother. Because that's what he does. I tried telling Holly that Matt is no good, and that he's going to end up hurting her. Did she listen? Nope.