The way my life is

My Recovery

Once I left the house it felt that hell broke loose in my mind...

I didn't feel like crying, I just was tired. It was a faded memory of me being joyful towards my dad's side of the family, it's weird to explain. I drove away from there , then I felt nothing knowing that my dad might call me. My mind wanted to escaped of my reality, I wanted to fade not die. I just wanted to be free of my world, but to disappear and not die(sorry if this sounds confusing). Driving home was so depressing, yet relaxing because I could finally talk to my dad.

By the time I got home, my dad called me. I ran to a private room , where no one can interfere.

" hello", I said.

" hey beautiful, how have ya been?", he asked.

" terrible well since you lied" I started sobbing.

" look I know you've been depressed but your too young for this, like back in my days we didn't know what depression was so we were always depressed", he explained.

" BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, I'M NOT LIKE YOU OK!!", I yelled.

" yeah, but your a strong person so you shouldn't be dealing with this", he told me.

" YOU LIED!! ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO FIX SO DAMN PAPERS" I cried.

" no I would never lie to you, it's just that if something happens to what I'm I supposed to do", he exclaimed.

At that point I didn't know how to tell the truth from a lie.

" I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE ", I yelled.

" ok, I want you in my life and I'm trying to be in your life", he said.

Those were words I wanted to hear for so long, then I cried loudly. We took 5 minutes of silence, I kept thinking about "should I just go back in his life?". I did this to get a persons attention which is stupid, if I go into his life would I be happy? I mean I did want him...

If I said no, my mom would be disappointed in me for doing the dumb act I did. My grandparents would be angry and frustrated , then again everyone would be. I knew if I say yes, I would have to speak to him more on things that are going on in my life.

Like a normal father and daughter, hehe who I'm I kidding? I'm never gonna be normal...

" dad... I'M SORRY FOR BEING STUPID", I apologized.

" it's ok, I know you didn't mean for this to happen. I'm gonna start picking you up and dropping you off on the weekends", he explained.

We both said our good byes, It was short talk like always. My dad and I always make it to short talks, we never had a long conversation for some reason. I despised it,since I'm always the one to bring up conversations like " how are you?" Or " umm so what do you do now". This was how I patch things up with my dad, what a pain. I cried and screamed my pain, my mother rushed to me , thinking did I die of sadness.

" mom, I'm ok and he said he's gonna pick me", I cried tears of joy.

" I'm glad", she whispered.

~END~

a few months later, I gave up being sad and looking on the bright side of things ( kind of). I try to tell people my problems in life , they help me out a lot. I'm grateful for my friends and my loved one who put up with my crap, I cope with my troubles. I see my dad way more often now than before, I even talk to him more.

Well life may same rough, that's why people are there for you and sometimes you have to think through your decisions before making a stupid one too. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't mess up life lol XD.