The way my life is

My Depression

For 3 years I'm fighting against my depression ,but it's still an everyday day emotion that I'm trying to fight off so I can be "normal".

My mind is the battle feild with it's warriors of HOPE, CONFIDENTS, and HAPPINESS trying to fight off their enemy's DESPAIR, ANXIETY,and SADNESS. When things get difficult to control my mind it's a living hell wondering off into a dark hole of my depression causing me to lose site of who I really am and who I was meant to be in my darkness. It's like your chained up to every little mistake you did ,into the bottom of the ocean you go and YOU can't breathe or escape from what you have done without getting help from those around you even if they said
"Hey are you ok" and you always reply "I'm ok" when you're not because you're emotionally dead to people who try to help.

My warrior's Lost the battle already...
HOPE has died because I can't hope for the best of things that come my way. My confidents got murdered all cuz I don't belive in myself to do anything at all when it comes to me being prepared. The warrior HAPPINESS was gonna win, but then DESPAIR took over from me looking at the WORST SIDE OF LIFE which I'm emotionally dead on the inside. The warrior's are bleeding on my insides ,until finally they had enough suffering so they bleed on the outside trying to once again escape the enemy. The battle field cleared  the enemizes are still there conquering my mind leading to my migranes ,but the terrible part was I did self harm knowing it's really bad to do it which I still have it including suicidal thoughts ,more depression , and sometimes I starve myself.

It all happened by one person who I truly hate ,but still miss. My father . He is the reason I lost control over my self , then you questioned "why would you let a person take advantage of you?", well...I THOUGHT THAT PERSON WAS A LOVING PARENT THEN HE RUINED IT FOR ME AGAIN LIKE IN THE PAST YEARS. I wanted him when I need him the most ,unfortunately he never contacts his 1st daughter or answers the phone. My life is very overwhelming from a mother whose deaf in both of her ear even she's visually impaired , a grandpa who's cancer came back, a little sister who looks up to you a lot , and grandma on steroids to help with her knee. I'm the oldest child which everyone depends on because they want me to have a great life , for now my life in school  is irritating by my mom telling me "I expect all A's next time" which I do but with three B's. 

I just wanna stop time from the insanity to take a break from responsibitys . The way my life is SUCKS by all of this crap that I'm in , since I'm depressed I go to therapy that I'm sure I can't go anymore cuz they called my mom for medication. I don't want it at all , lucky my mom disagreed to it well I'm still nervous about what if  the therapist tells me I need medication again.

This is my depression. My story.