The way my life is

Gender Fluid

In therapy I have this therapist I talk to ever monday ( now gonna switch the day), anywho she said something interesting to me.

Before I got into the whole therapy sessions , I wasn't sure what I was from the whole "Label a person" thing in life. The reason I'm saying this is because of my gender, I kinda thought I was transgender for wearing guy clothing and looking like a boy. I was incorrect for wearing women clothes, also I wear makeup like a girl ( side note:anyone can do makeup )so due to my face structure I look Like one too. When people ask me my gender, they intend to say this straight up to my face or saying it secretly to their friends.

"Are you a girl or a boy" , an anonymous person would say.

*Hey is that a girl or a boy?* whispering people.

The worst part was when some people whispered and then make faces at me or laugh it off which I heard even saw. The people who would come up to me were very awkward to my reponse, I would always say " I'm all female so yeah". Other times in an anger pitch of voice from an annoyance of people ask me too much including " Idk I'm a thing" in a normal tone of voice of just tired of people asking me. It was so upsetting to not know what I am as a person ,but hated it to know more about what I am AND HOW I DO NOT KNOW AT ALL!?! I was so obsessed on who I was, when I should be focusing on forgetting labels don't matter.

Over time I got over it saying "screw it I'll just say I'm a thing in a lost world we call Earth", this was my reponse to anybody who QUESTIONED MY GENDER. Other reasons I had this obsession was from being heck flat chested and having a flat bottom ,then later on still got teased at so I decided to become whatever I am with being just the boy

Monday at 4:03 I was running late to a therapy sessions that I was going to go at 4 , but school ends at 3:30. Anyway as I got there runing with my  little legs I was nervous, always nervous of the atmosphere of the therapy session going from ok to awkward trying to bring up conversation going until it's over. My therapist looks like one of those fair maidens from movies we see from back in the old days with a golden glow of skin to the most soothing voice to listen to ,while pouring your emotions on to her as way of fixing you up not to mention she has a heart of gold on taking pity on those she has seen. As I entered the room she had a page with caryons.

" The heck is this", I thought to myself.

I was soooo confused on what we were doing ,she explained as always and something caught my attention. She told me to draw myself ,then we were gonna list some of the good things I see in my self on the paper I wrote on. I told her my hair and the way it's dyed for reasons of having a flat chest or a flat bottom so I told her that I decide to look the part as a boy with being a girl as well.

When I told her I dressed differently she told me a definition for it. She said she looked it up online awhile ago saying that ...

"People in my case have some days like they want to be a girl or some days a guy and they are not confirming transgender " she told me

"Umm what?", my confusion self asked.

"Ok there's this thing called Gender Fluid where a person is both a male and a female to where days they want to wear lips stick to wearing cargo pants" she responded.

Now I realized I am GENDER FLUID!! I was happy to hear her that I can be more than a thing in life by wearing both male and female clothes. I can be a label I guess in life hehehe . the real question is how the friction am I going to tell the rest of my family??? I mean my mom knows ,well kinda my grandparents. I'm terrified of rejection just like any human being on Earth!!! I hope the rest of my family won't make me a disgrace...

Wish me luck!!