Natepat & Septiplier oneshots

104. Woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown

"Right, you two are going to need more feminine names than Keith and Lance otherwise you're going to get figured out pretty quickly, luckily for you I already register you two with false IDs meaning that when you're scanned the profiles that come up will already be altered. Lance you will now be known as Lana and Keith you shall be known as Kathy, I tried to keep it as close to your regular names so it wouldn't feel too weird for you two," Pidge explained calmly. "Won't feel too weird for us?! Pidge you've literally changed our sex!" Keith yelled at the green paladin who simply chuckled in reply. Lance meanwhile hadn't said anything, she was too busy looking Keith up and down before licking her lips and walking over to the female and placing her hands on the shorter girl's shoulders, "Girl you've already activated my particle bar-" She was cut off with a kick from Keith, "Well that's just quiznaking rude Kathy!" She yelled trying out the new name and she hated to admit it but it rolled of her tongue with ease. "Well at least you've learnt how to use the word quiznak correctly Lana," Keith teased. Pidge and Allura shared a glance before turning their attention back to the flirting females, "So we're going to dump you on planet Gazorpazorp and the female gazorpazorians know you're coming so they should pick you two up before anything bad happens... most likely. Anyway have fun." And with that Pidge opened the hatch underneath Lance and Keith, dropping them on the planet.

Lance and Keith landed safely on Gazorpazorp and looked at each other, both drinking in the others appearance, when Pidge called them through their communication devices, "I forgot to tell you two that the potion will active your lust and cause the two you to grow extremely horny but try to keep your hands off of each other because if you orgasm I may not be able to change you back. Oh! Another important detail is that the hornier you get the more your brain will trick you into believing you were always female therefore you lose all recollection that you were male and you may turn into lesbians whose relationship is reliant on sex... so good luck!" With that she ended the call between them. "She's got to be taking the piss..." Keith muttered before looking at Lance, laughing, "As if I'd even consider having sex with you!" The Latino had to admit that did hurt her a little bit, it hurt her pride more than anything else, "Well it's not like I'd want to have sex with you either mullet-head!" "I don't even have a mullet anymore!" The two then began their usual bickering not noticing the ship floating above them which was there to pick them up. "Lana and Kathy from planet earth?" A voice from the spaceship boomed across the supposedly deserted planet. "That would be correct," Lance called up. Nothing happened for a few seconds and the two could only assume that they were being scanned, so they held their breath and hoped that Pidge's technology was good enough to ride past the gazorpazorpians.

Apparently it was as the two were beamed up into the ship without any problem. They were greeted by a surprisingly human-looking woman - well she would have looked more human if she didn't have antlers sticking out of her head - who had a calm aura about her that made Lance and Keith both want to confine in her and open up to her. "Ah fellow sisters you have arrived," She spoke in calming voice, "welcome to our paradise." She took the two on a tour around the ship and Lance was having the time of her life throwing flirtatious looks at the aliens around her who simply shook it off as a friendly gesture from the planet earth. "I would be correct in saying that Princess Allura set you here to collect the fuel for the ship?" The alien who had beamed them up asked. "That would correct," Keith answered calmly, elbowing Lance in the side to try and tell her discreetly to stop her flirting. "Is your friend Lana okay?" The alien questioned seeing Lance keel over in pain from being elbowed. "That hurt Ke-Kathy!" She scowled. Keith frowned and gave Lance a discreet glare, her slip-up could have outed them and they hadn't had enough time to create an escape plan if they were figured out. "I'm sorry ma'am she's a hardcore lesbian and sometimes she can't control herself (shoutout to me) and I need to stop her flirting before it goes to far sometimes," Keith explained smoothly, successfully convincing the alien that was the truth. The alien nodded in understanding, "Ah well may I just say that you two make an adorable couple," She finished the tour with that meanwhile Keith was just staring at her, her mouth agape, "N-No we're n-not I mean... uh..." her face was deep shade of red. Lance, meanwhile, was relishing in the fact that the alien believed that her and Keith were together and wrapped an arm around the shorter female and pulled her close, "C'mon babe they're clearly accepting here, you don't need to keep hiding the fact that we're together." Something that Lance couldn't describe flashed behind Keith's eyes for a second and the girl looked away and quickly freed herself from Lance's arms, "Anyway about the fuel-"