fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter twenty-four

He wasn't gonna let this control his every move anymore.

Even if he knew they were there, Jimin was still slightly surprised to see all of the members already on the living room, sitting on the couch; Yoongi staring at him with supportive glances. After everything Jimin has been putting them through, he expected them to be a little angry, but they never were and that made him feel a bit guilty. They had every right to be but still, here they were, supporting him endlessly no matter what.

He swallowed down the lump on his throat, taking a step forward and moving to sit down besides Yoongi, reaching for the elder's hand who instantly intertwined their fingers. The others weren't dumb and probably knew that they were together already, there was no reason to keep acting stupid anymore; and he didn't want to. He wanted them to know, wanted them to know how Yoongi helped him; how Yoongi still helps him. How much he loves him. No one even glanced at their hands and that made Jimin start talking.

"I wanted to apologize," the words got out along with a soft sigh, "Not just about yesterday, but about everything for the past year," he saw Taehyung opening his mouth but he looked at him with pleading eyes and the younger kept himself silent, sighing loudly, "I know that you'll say I have nothing to apologize for, but I do, and even if I didn't, I want to. So please let me have this, just hear me out," no one dared to interrupt him again after that, so Jimin kept going, words stumbling out of his mouth at a fast pace, "This conversation should have probably happened a long time ago and I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry for all I pulled you guys through this year. And I know you'll say it's not my fault, but even if not fully, I still could have been better and could have act a lot better; but I didn't. And I'm sorry, I can only imagine how stressful this is, for all of you. I'm sorry for what happened yesterday, and I'm sorry for what happened months ago. Sorry for the way I've acted," he cleared his throat, blinking fast as tears filled his eyes, "And I- And I really just wanted to say that I'm deeply sorry and please don't give up on me just yet, I promise I'll do better from now on. I just ask for one more chance. That's all I'm asking for." Jimin looked down when he finished, too scared to look at any of the other's eyes, fear settling deep on his bones and filling his veins, burning like acid as he tried to maintain his breath at a steady pace.

"We could never give up on you even if we wanted to, Jimin," Namjoon's voice made him look up once more, finding the leader's eyes filled with tears just like his own, "We're a family and this is never gonna change, no matter what happens. You're like a brother to me and I'm sure everyone in this room could say the same; all we ever wanted was you to feel alright. We worry, Jimin, we worry about you because we love you, we would never give up on you, especially not because of this. You're so much better than this, and no matter how long it takes, we're gonna get through this. Together, like we always did. Like we always will because that's what family do and we'd never let you alone. It would hurt us just as much as it would hurt you, and seeing you like this hurt us all the same. Don't ever let your mind tell you anything differently from what I just said, because I'll repeat it how many times I need for you to believe that we love and care about you, even if right now you don't feel that way about yourself."

A sob escaped Jimin's throat when the older boy finished talking, tears finally streaming down his face. Yoongi pulled him to his chest, hands on Jimin's head as the younger sobbed into his shirt, tears escaping his eyes and wetting the soft fabric. Before he knew he had someone else hugging him by his side, Taehyung hands circling his waist and squeezing it as hard as he could, face hidden between Jimin's shoulders blades. Everyone else had their own share after that, a group hug forming itself around the three of them as everyone decided to join in at the small couch.

"You're my best friend, Jiminie," he heard Taehyung whisper against his shirt, meant for only him to hear, "I'd never let you go even if you begged me to."

⍉

Jimin's eyelids were heavy but he still forced them open, enjoying the wind from the rooftop hitting against his skin. Autumn was ending and winter was coming and Jimin couldn't stop himself from thinking back to last year at this same time; he remember how hopeless he felt, how empty. Remember how slicing the once smooth skin on his thighs open had become a daily habit and starving himself was as natural as breathing to him. And then he compared himself to the now, fading white and pink lines was everything that could be seen on the inside of his thighs, the scar on his arm faded to a colour shy of baby pink and he could eat a full meal without feeling like running straight to the bathroom now. It was still hard to survive the urges, it was still so hard to fight back everything that once felt like a normal thing to him.

But he managed, by talking to Yoongi on the bathtub of the dorm where they'd just stay from hours on end, until someone came banging on the door telling them get out before they went down the drain along with the water; managed by going out with Taehyung and playing games with Jeongguk and practicing with Hoseok and cooking with Jin and asking Namjoon to help him with the lyrics he was trying to write. It wasn't easy, but it was working so far, and each day that Jimin wake up and didn't regret it felt like a step towards the state of happiness that the Jimin from one year ago couldn't even imagine having. The singer would go as far as to say he was proud of himself for coming this far, for surviving this far, but he knew he wouldn't have made without the six other boys by his side.

"I'm getting really weird deja-vu feelings and I hope they just stay at that," the boy jumped at the voice, turning back and watching Hoseok walk slowly to where he was standing, leaning against the railing by his side, staring at the city below them. Just like last time, there was no stars in the sky, but this time Jimin was happy just staring at the city lights, "You okay?"

"Yeah, just needed fresh air," Jimin answered honestly, looking back down just like the dancer was now doing, "I'm gonna miss this rooftop when we move. It's pretty up here."

The dancer hummed in agreement, "You're gonna find another spot in the new apartment, don't worry; you always do," the elder said, and silence washed over them for a few minutes, both of them just appreciating the view, "Hey, Jiminie?" the younger looked at him only to find the older boy already looking at him, "You're doing okay, right? It isn't... It isn't like the last time we were here, right?" Jimin was sure the elder didn't want his voice to come out that fragile if the grimace on his face was anything to go by.

"I'm good, hyung, I promise," the singer swore, pushing himself away from the railing to stare at Hoseok directly, "I mean, I'm not 100%, but when am I, huh? I really just felt like fresh air, I promise. I don't feel really bad right now, just needed to take a breath. It helps."

Jimin could see Hoseok's face falling into a relieved expression and wasn't even surprised when the dancer pulled him into a fierce hug, hiding his face on Jimin's neck while the singer hugged his waist, leaning against the elder's shoulder, "Don't ever try to leave us again, Jimin, please," he begged, voice low and trembling next to Jimin's ear, "Don't ever do that again or I'll personally kick your ass."

"It's not on my plans trying to, hyung, don't worry," the younger tightened his hold, "And don't worry about that too, I doubt you'd be fast enough to catch me." and with that Jimin pinched Hoseok's waist, before sprinting away from the mad dancer that was now running after him, yelling about him being an ungrateful brat who never respected his elders.

As Jimin ran down the stairs to go back to their apartment, he felt a smile forming on his face, and he wondered if this is what euphoria felt like.