fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter thirteen

The wind in the rooftop was hitting hard against his cheeks when he heard the door being closed behind him, but Jimin didn't bothered to look, already having an idea of who it could be by the soft steps in the quiet night. It didn't took long before the wind made Hoseok's perfume reach Jimin and he could see the dancer making his way to Jimin's side, leaning against the railing just like he was. The older boy didn't talk, and Jimin didn't bothered to look at him completely, going back to paying attention at the thousands upon thousands of lights illuminating Seoul during the night time. The city was void of stars in the sky, so the lights in the ground were what Jimin had to settle for.

It was as good as a habit for Jimin to do this now; coming up to the roof of their dorm every other night to look at the bright yellow and white lights all around the capital when he started missing the stars lighting up the dark sky back in Busan. Sometimes, before when they were trainees and even a few months after they had their debut, Jeongguk would come up with him and they would just stare at the lights; not talking to each other, just lost in the own minds but having each other companys. The younger stopped doing that after the first year, and Jimin was just too shy to ask why; now he probably wondered if Jeongguk got tired of him. He was tired of himself too, so who wouldn't be.

"Are the meds not working?" Jimin knew it was coming when those words came out of Hoseok's mouth so he already knew what to answer.

"I skipped them today since I wanted to come up here," the dancer didn't need to know about how they made Jimin feel like a zombie most of the time, or how they were lucky they weren't having any hard schedules right now since Jimin couldn't stand straight half the time from how much they made him sleep. He didn't need to know any of that, so the younger kept his mouth shut, and cut Hoseok off before the dancer could say anything, "It's fine, Hobi hyung, it's just the sleeping pills I skipped. One day it's fine, don't worry."

Hoseok just sighed, deciding that right now was not the time to pick up an argument, letting Jimin off this time for the sake of being almost 4am at the moment. The silence was back, only background noises of cars and people still on the street at a Friday night being heard by them; the city alive at all times. There was a heavy tension around them both that neither wanted to break, but they just couldn't let this go. Not anymore. Tiptoeing around wasn't doing them any good and it was getting rather tiring to just keep pretending everything was fine, because it wasn't; there wasn't even one thing fine about the situation and Hoseok didn't know how to deal with it. Never, not once in his life, there was a situation where he had been stuck like this; but now he was suddenly thrown right in the middle of one and one of his best friends was hurting and he just didn't know what the fuck to do.

And it was eating him alive, piece by piece.

"Are you okay?" Hoseok's words were just shy of a whisper, carried by the wind like they were light; like they didn't make Jimin's hands start to shake. Like they didn't make Jimin want to know how long would his body take to hit the ground if he climbed over the railing and just jumped. Like they were nothing more than words when all they did was making Jimin hate himself a bit more. The young singer just smile sadly at the lights below them, eyes staring holes in the ground right in front of their dorm. He tried to imagine what his body would turn out like if he jumped; and the mental image send chills down his back. There was no way someone could survive this fall, the building had ten floors; there was absolute zero chance of survival and- "Jiminie?"

The dancer's voice brought Jimin out of his mental stupor and the younger just sighed, finally taking his eyes out of the concrete to look at his hyung and one of the person's he loved the most in the whole one. One of the person's he just couldn't seem to stop disappointing. So for once in his life, for the sake of the rest of any sanity he had left, Jimin answered honestly, the truth slipping out of his lips as easier as breathing would be.