fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter twenty-three

Jimin regained his consciousness as his throat clenched around something, triggering his gag reflex and before he could try to think what the hell was going on he could feel the bitter taste of vomit making its way up his throat so he just reached forward, eyes closed tightly and hand flailing around, trying to get a grip at something; trying to ground himself. His head hurt, his throat ached and his stomach felt like it was drowning on acid with how much it burned. There was spit hanging from his bottom lip and Jimin could feel beads of sweat running down his warm temple; he was scared to open his eyes, brain too dizzy for him to even risk it. His throat felt dry to hell and back and he was sure the moment he opened his eyes, nausea would hit him again and he'd go back to throwing up.

There were voices around him but all of them sounded like he was underwater, only a soft, far-over murmur could make it to his brain, sounds blending into one another making it impossible for Jimin to understand what was happening around him. He could vaguely make out a pair of hands grabbing his waist and pulling him up, head hanging loosely on his neck, falling back as he tried to steady his breath; the sudden movement making his head hurt even more and his stomach to clench again. Slowly, the voices got louder and his brain started functioning more, and that was when all hell broke loose, everyone's voices jumping over each other and making his head hurt even more, not allowing him to understand whatever the hell was going on.

A whine escaped his throat when everything became too much, eyes closed tightly to block out the light he knew was coming from somewhere, wanting to put his hands against his ears but not managing to find the energy to move. The voices suddenly stopped, and the hands around his waist got tighter as he was pulled up, whining harder at the sudden movement.

"Minnie?" his name was whispered against his ear, and it took him a few seconds to recognize the voice as Yoongi's, trying to pry his eyes open to look at the elder; finally succeeding after a few seconds, eyelids heavy and vision blurred. The first thing his eyes manage to focus on was Taehyung's face above him, staring at him with tear stained cheeks and red rimmed eyes, worry swimming inside them. Jimin blinked, trying to focus his gaze at something else, while trying to move his heavy body at the same time, but the hands around his waist refused to let him go, so he just turned his head, finding Yoongi's eyes staring at him.

"Wha-" he tried to talk, but his throat failed him, the dryness of it getting the best of him and making him choke on his own words, mouth not working with him. He felt his head being pulled against Yoongi's chest, the rapper's hand forcing his face against the soft fabric of his shirt as he finally stopped coughing, throat dryer than before, but he still tried to force the words out, "What's goin' on?"

The answer came in the form of Yoongi's sobs, the elder's body shaking with the force of it as he held Jimin closely against him, terrified of letting go of the younger boy, who was looking at him with confusion.

"Don't you ever," Yoongi forced out between the sobs he was trying so hard to keep it in but failed nonetheless, tears freely running down his cheek and falling to Jimin's hair, "Don't you ever do this again. Don't ever do this again to me, Jimin, please. Stop," he closed his eyes, burying his face against the younger's head, giving up to try to stop crying and just letting everything fall freely, "Stop doing this, I can't take it. I can't keep doing this, please stop."

Jimin didn't understand, he couldn't understand. His mind was all over the place, ears ringing and thoughts scattered around his head, nothing making sense. Couldn't he just go back to that peaceful blissness of before, swimming in the darkness where nothing could reach him; it had been so peaceful, so quiet. He missed it already.

He missed a lot of things he could never have again.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against Yoongi's chest, voice raw and muffled from being pressed against the elder's shirt. "I'm so sorry," He didn't know what he was apologizing for, but as the memories from before slowly came back to himself Jimin realized that maybe apologizing wouldn't do much this time. It seemed like every time he was gaining their trust back he found a way to fuck it all up; to punch the trust wall they were finally building between the group again, bringing everything to the ground, burning it all to ashes.