fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter nine

The smell of antiseptics and alcohol was starting to make Yoongi feel sick, even more than he already was.

The constant talk along the white hallways sounded far away from Yoongi, the only thing making through his mind and staying there was the tick-tock of the clock situated on one of the walls he has been staring for the past hour. Taehyung and Jeongguk had given up on talking to him after something along the first twenty minutes after they entered the hospital and were told to sit on the waiting room for updates on Jimin. Yoongi haven't moved since, staring blankly at the moving pointers that indicated the time; each second passing without news from Jimin. With each second passing Yoongi would keep feeling like his whole world had just fallen apart beneath him and he was left alone to fall into the dark for God knows how long. From the corner of his vision he could see Taehyung pacing back and forth between the plastic seats of the waiting room while Jeongguk was following the boy with his eyes, probably feeling utterly lost - and traumatized, that was something the rapper was sure of. The younger wouldn't ever forget what he had seen and Yoongi knew that.

He also knew that if he had to stay on this seat for ten minutes more he was gonna lose the rest of sanity he was left with after this day. There were sudden loud voices on the end of the hallway but Yoongi kept staring forward, not having the energy to deal with it when he already knew who it was; and his assumptions were only confirmed when he heard Seokjin's voice in a high-pitched, panic filled tone whisper-scream to Taehyung, demanding to know what the hell was going on, to which the younger could only stutter a low "I don't know". But Yoongi did; he knew exactly what was going on. He wasn't enough; the only time he willed himself to think he was gonna be enough, that he was going to be able to help Jimin, he was once again hit with the fact that he wasn't, and never would be, enough. And this time it could cause someone's life and Yoongi was never going to forgive himself for this. He should've know, he should've seen the signs instead of just trying to talk it out. It didn't work, he knew it didn't work because it never worked with him so why would it work with Jimin, why had he thought he could make it better?

Fingers were suddenly being snapped in the center of his vision and the rapper blinked, for the first time in what felt like forever and only then he realized how much his eyes were aching so he blinked some more before finally getting his eyes out of the clock and staring at his side where Namjoon was seated with worry swimming deep in his eyes. He could see the boy lips moving, the leader obviously trying to talk to him, but his words were mixed inside Yoongi's brain, twisted between themselves on his mind while the younger boy kept talking and all Yoongi could do was blink at him, too drained to try and make sense on anything that Namjoon was saying. He thought he heard Jeongguk telling Namjoon to let it go, to leave him alone, "he's been like this since we got here".

The rapper remembered calling the others before going to the hospital, being the only one not hysterically crying at the time. Yoongi's head hurt; he was probably about to stay with this migraine for days on end, Jimin's blood now dry on his clothes and hands, stuck under his nails; the metallic smell engraved on his brain so hard that Yoongi was sure that no matter how much he scrubbed his skin raw he wouldn't be able to get it out, not of his mind. Never out of it. He looked down at his hands, the light red stains making his head spin and his stomach to clench around the breakfast he had this morning; Yoongi needed to get this off of his hands, off, get it out. It was Jimin's blood , it was his friend's fucking blood and he wanted it gone, he couldn't look at it anymore. But before he could get up to make a run to the nearest bathroom a lady dressed in all white rounded the corner with a clipboard on her hands, looking at it distractedly before calling out, voice soft but fierce while voicing a gentle "Park Jimin's companions?" that made Yoongi jump out of the plastic chair so fast that he wasn't sure how he hadn't broken his neck by the sudden move, knees almost giving up under him; the only support being Namjoon's sudden grip on his arm.