Anger Issues

thirty eight

"Austin," she pushed me back, wiping her eyes. "What happened?" I asked, keeping a grip on her hands.

"Babe," I said again, when she didn't respond. Tears continued to fall down her cheeks.

"Aus," she began. "Did you lie to me? About the party.. when we were drunk," she said.

I paused, immediately knowing what she was hinting at.

"Jess.." I began. "You lied," she realized.

"No, I- I didn't, because I didn't know the answer," I said.

"What? That doesn't change anything," she sighed, running her hands through her hair, and turning around.

"Why? Jess, are you.." I trailed off. "Are you pregnant?" I asked.

She covered her mouth, softly crying. "I think so," she squeaked.

I sat on her bed, leaning my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

"Do you have a test? Or do we need to buy one?" I asked. "We have to buy one," she said.

I stood up, running my hands through my hair.

"When did you start your symptoms?" I asked. "This week," she said. "At school, when I threw up, that was the first time," she said.

"I've been nauseous and have had a fever since," she added. "What if.. what if you just have the flu, or something?" I suggested.

She shook her head. "I'm a week late, Austin," she cried.

I sighed stressfully.

We're 16 years old, and are already facing this. I wasn't even sure how to think about the possibilities.

"Austin why didn't you tell me the truth?" She asked, clearly annoyed.

"I wasn't sure, Jess. I didn't even know the truth," I said. "So why lie? Why couldn't you just tell me that you didn't know?" She spoke louder.

"What was I supposed to say? I thought we were gonna be fine," I argued. "You should've told me," she shook her head.

"What difference would it have made?" I stood up. "I could've done something!" She yelled. "Done what?" I asked. "It was already a week when you asked me," I added.

"I could've bought something, or seen someone, or.. or.." she trailed off. "Anything. I could've done anything," she said.

I turned in anger, trying to calm myself down. Closing my eyes, I did what Jess always made me do.

Breathe.

Steady.

"I'm sorry," I faced her again. "I'm sorry, I should've told you," I said, pulling her in for a hug.

She rested her head against my shoulder. Sniffling softly, she hadn't stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," I repeated, kissing her head.

We stood in that position for a bit, before pulling away.

"Do you want to go now?" I asked. She nodded her head. "Wait," she said, walking to her dresser.

She put on a beanie, and dark sunglasses. I would ask why, but I already knew.

—

By the time we got back to her house, she went directly to the bathroom, and then came back to her room.

She set the test on the table, and sat on her bed with her knees to her chest and her back against the wall. I sat on a chair, anxiously waiting.

"How long do we wait?" I asked. She moved her fingers from her lips. "The box said three to five minutes," she said.

I let a couple seconds pass, while thoughts crossed my mind.

What if she's pregnant?

We'd be parents..

At 16..

Still in school..

Would her body be able to handle it?

Would we... keep it?

"Jess," I called. "What are we gonna do if you are?" I asked.

She shrugged, leaning her head back. "I don't know," she said.

"Would you keep it?" I asked. She lowered her head again, staring at the wall as a tear slipped down her cheek. She spoke softly, quietly. "I don't know."

I walked over to her, sitting beside her. Putting my arm around her shoulder, I brought her closer to me, and slipped my hand in hers.

We sat in silence for the rest of the wait, thoughts running through both of our minds. For sure, it was harder for her than it was for me. I could hardly even think straight.

Jessica

My phone blared, as the timer appeared on my screen. Nervously, I stood up and walked towards the dresser. I heard Austin stand up as well, as he waited.

I grabbed the test, looking at Austin, before looking down.

I wasn't sure how to feel.

"Austin.."