Happier

13

|there's a bit of foul language in this, but it's used in a good way. thought id warn you though:)|

Rye-

I was reading through Andy's journal again as we were sat in the park, his head perched on my shoulder and legs layed across my outstretched ones.

I flipped the page once again.

Journal Entry #14

Today was a really tough day. Hannah ignored all my calls and texts, but we had a show to do and fans to meet. I put on a fake smile for everyone, even the boys. I know I yelled at her yesterday but I was quick to correct myself and I tried to apologise to her. To be fair to me, she had accused me of cheating on her because she saw a picture of me hugging a fan, but I probably shouldn't have yelled.

I'm scared for what tomorrow will hold.

Well until next time.

-Andy

-

I couldn't help but feel angry at Hanmah as I flipped the page. I was confused to see that several pages had been ripped out, so I read the next one.

Journal Entry #21

The light has been turned off in my world. She broke up with me today because she had cheated multiple times and couldn't keep it a secret anymore. I couldn't react. I couldn't feel anything. If it weren't for Rye I probably would've done something I would really regret. But now I feel empty. I won't get to hold her anymore. I won't get to see the way her eyes sparkled when she was excited. I won't get to see the goofy faces she pulls during conversations she's passionate about. I already miss the little things about her, and I want her back.

I need to clear my head. I'll probably end up sneaking out later and going to some random bar. I guess this is my life now.

Bye.

-Andy

I felt the tears fall from the corner of eye. I hadn't realized all these things and I was, at all times, within ten feet of him.

He noticed I was crying and reached his little hand up to wipe the few tears away.

"Please don't cry, Rye." He said softly as he then wrapped his arms around my neck. I held his waist tight.

"I'm sorry I was so blind." I said as I squeezed my eyes shut and burried my face into his shoulder. He held me as I cried.

"Rye, stop. You weren't blind, you aren't blind. I don't blame you one bit for what I did or what I put myself through or went through. All of those were my fault and I showed no emotion around anyone so no one, not even you, could have known how I was feeling." He said sternly but still calmly as he hugged me tighter.

"I know but, I just hate how I couldn't do anything to help you. How I didn't do anything to help you." I sobbed as I tried to pull away from him, feeling as though he should hate me for not noticing and helping him.

"No, Rye stop. Please. Your scaring me." He said and this time the worry was clear in his voice and I could tell he was fighting tears.

"Baby you need someone who can be strong and take care of you, I can't do that. I don't deserve you." I sobbed louder and managed to wiggle out of his grip. I saw the pain etched in his face.

"Ryan! Stop! I am not breaking up with you! Now could you please bring the strong, confident, happy, cheerful Rye back that never fails to make me smile and laugh. The one that makes me happy, not the one that makes me scared."

Scared. I'm scaring him. Shit, what have I done. I close my eyes shut tight as I feel as if I'm falling. The world is spinning around me and I feel as if I might throw up.

"Andy..." I whispered as I felt the hot, fast tears creeping there way out of my clenched eyes and down my cheeks.

I heard the sound of leaves crunching and then felt a weight added to my lap. I felt hands placed on my chest and lips just below my ear.

"Breathe Rye. I'm here, it's gonna be ok. I'm ok." I heard the all too familiar voice whisper into my ear and then a forehead placed against my own. His arms moved down to my hips.

I placed my hands on his waist to help myself match my breathing with his. I finally opened my eyes and found my favorite blue ones staring back at me. I saw a small, sad smile and small dimples. I saw the perfect lips. I felt myself relax again as I pulled him closer to me. I needed to be as close to him as possible. He is my safe place, and what I've learned today is that I am his safe place as well.

"I love you so fucking much." I whispered. It was barely audible but I know he understood perfectly as he smiled even wider and his cheeks flushed a pink color.

"I love you too." He whispered back.

We ended up kissing, a lot, under the tree and cuddling with the sound of the flowing water in the background and enjoying the veiw of eachother until it was getting late and we decided to go home so the boys wouldn't worry about us.

~