Happier

3

Andy-

We had made it back to the flat. Rye hadn't spoken to me since he had kissed me and it was making me sad. I couldn't help but think he hated me. But I also couldn't help but think why he would kiss me.

The minute we got back to our new flat, I went straight to mine and Mikey's room and climbed under the covers of my bed. I didn't care that it was only two in the afternoon. I rolled over so I was facing the wall and started crying. I felt the bed dip as someone sat down. I didn't look up to see who it was. I already knew it wasn't Rye.

"Andy, I saw what Rye did. Are you ok?" Mikey asked. I didn't turn around and I didn't acknowledge him, which I felt bad for, but just stayed facing the wall and crying. "Well if you wanna talk about it than I'm always here, but I'll let you be alone for a bit." He said as I heard him walk away.

I eventually stopped crying, only having a limited supply of tears left. I climbed out of my bed and went to the bathroom, fixing my hair. I told Mikey I was going for a walk and grabbed my notebook and exited the building. I walked down the sidewalk, not really knowing where I was and not really caring where I was going. It was like four in the afternoon now, meaning that it would be getting dark soon. I sighed but kept walking. If I got lost then it would be ok. The boys could just find a new member and forget about me. I only made the band worse anyways.

I stumbled across a park and decided to sit on one of the swings and write in my journal. When Hannah and I were dating, she shared her diary with me. She let me read through the pages and convinced me to start my own journal. It seemed to make her happy when I told her I wrote in it everyday. She had asked if she could read it about a month before we broke up. I told her that if she read it then she'd ruin a surprise I had for her, which wasn't a lie. I was planning to take her to Paris, I had saved up for it for so long. She had always dreamed of seeing the Eiffel Tower at night when it was all lit up. I had planned on taking her there over our three year anniversary, but two days before I was to surprise her, she broke the news to me that she had cheated, on multiple occasions, and was ending it 'for my own well being.'

She was standing in the hallway of the old flat when she told me. I was just about to tell her how beautiful she was with her hair in a tight bun and her perfect figure tucked into a beautiful blue sun dress. Her nails were painted a yellow color, and I wouldn't usally prefer that color, but it fit her. Her eyes glossed over as she said it and she looked to the ground. I was stunned and couldn't say anything. Rye had overheard the conversation and was pissed. He had escorted her out of the flat and then come back to my side. He had wrapped his arms around me and told me everything would be ok and that he'd be here for me and he'd help me move on. I haven't moved on yet.

I closed my journal after writing down a few things. I looked up to see Rye standing there.

"God Ryan you scared the shit out of me!" I yelped as I quickly wiped the tears from my cheeks. He smiled a small smile and sat down on the swing beside me.

"I... I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did at the gym. I know I shouldn't have done that." He said as he looked at the ground and put his hands in his pockets.

"You don't have to be sorry, but... Why?" I replied to him. He looked over at me and our eyes met.

"Andy, I'm bi and I've kinda liked you for a long time, but I know your straight and I knew you were in love with Hannah and I didn't wanna ruin your relationship with her and I thought you'd hate me and-" he ranted. I stood up from the swing and walked over to him. I placed my finger over his lips to silence him. He looked up at me with an innocent look.

"Rye, I could never hate you. I've always struggled with my own sexuality, but I never dared to tell anyone. Hannah found out that I'm bi and I think that's the first time she cheated. I had it written in here and then she read it." I said as I held the journal out for him to see. He gave me a funny look. I nodded and shook the book lightly, gesturing for him to take it from me.

"Andy, this is your personal stuff. I can't read it." He said as he took the journal carefully.

"I'm giving you permission. I trust you." I said as I sat back down on the swing.

He opened the book carefully. I began to rock the swing lightly to distract my mind as he read the pages one by one.

"Andy. I never knew half the stuff in here. Why did you never tell me?" He asked me. I looked down in shame.

"I was scared. I'm still scared. God, Rye. I'm flipping terrified. I thought I had everything figured out, but now that she's gone I don't know what to do. She was the base of my structure and now that she's gone everything has fallen down and I have no idea how to rebuild it." I gushed as I felt my chest get tighter and everything around me started to spin. Rye stood up and walked over to me. He placed a hand on my cheek.

"I know it's tough. But guess what? It's gonna get better, I promise you that. It may take some time, but eventually you'll find a better, sturdier base to hold everything up." He said. I looked up at him. The hand on my cheek sent a warm feeling throughout my entire body.

Why?

~