American Dream?

Human Nature

Throughout your life, you’ll follow the same pattern. Since the day you were born, everyday starts the same. Very rarely this pattern gets interrupted. This change can be for better or worse. Either way it goes one thing will be for sure, your life will never go back to the original pattern.

It is a well know fact that in humans don’t like change, it scares them. We like things the same, it makes us felt safe, a protective shell if you will. But when change does happen, sometimes we regret it, sometime we love it, sometimes it’s voluntary and sometimes, if you’re really unlucky, it’s unexpected.

For me, it was definitely not voluntary. My pattern now looks like a kids drawing: messy, rough and hard to make out.

And it scared me.

Now I had to explain this to Jason on the way to school.

I stared the only way I could. By talking about it in a very fast tone, hoping that it will not hurt me. I made a silent promise to myself not to cry; not one tear.

“Well, I think it’s my business now, judging but that fact your dad almost killed me, don’t you think?” Jason prompted. I thought I had started to talk, but when Jason said this I realised that I was silent. He was right, of course. He was holding me in place to stop me from running.

He knew me better then I thought.

I hesitated, I couldn’t tell him. I won’t tell him. I tried desperately to think of a way out of telling him. My mind was reeling on how to escape…I couldn’t think of anything to do. I just stood there staring blankly at his face.

“Alex?” He gave me a gentle shake. “Alex, seriously, it’ll be better if you just tell me. I can see that something is bothering you. Everyday you look like paler and paler; you’ve become more jumpy and angry. I promise you I will never tell anyone and that I will do everything I can to help.”

His mini speech was touching but I couldn’t do this to him. Eventually, I began to realise that he was never going to let it go until I tell him. I first took a few deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

“OK, I guess you were going to find out sooner or later.” The words were stuck in my throat. I scanned the area to see if anyone was within ear shot. The whole street was almost empty, anyone near enough to us I didn’t know and were in deep conversation. I forced the words out of my mouth.

“It started after we met…dad in the shopping mall.” I could feel my face heating up and my tear ducts start to open, I made sure not a single drop left my eyes; I could not have much water left in my body considering how much I have been crying. “I came home and mum got offered a new job as a journalist in New York.”

“So we are…are…going to move there in less then two months. I asked not to, but this is her dream you see. She always wanted to be a journalist ever since she was sixteen. Serena was a complete mess and that’s why she turned to…to…drugs. Life at home hasn’t been pleasant…we argue more often, louder and more aggressively. That’s why I was out that night with you and Madison and why I have been crying. Dad came because he found out and wanted me to go live with him… but not here…in LA. I don’t want to move because I don’t want to leave yo–I mean my friends. I haven’t seen mum in ages, she just went away and never came back and…and…and” I was talking so fast, I wasn’t sure if Jason got any of it. As the information sank in, I saw the colour of his face drain and his mouth pop opened. There was a long silence.

“What?” He croaked, his deep voice breaking off.

“I-I’m not repeating-“ I was on the verge of tears. I stubbornly kept the flood gates closed. I was not going to cry, I kept telling myself. I stood pin straight, facing Jason.

“I didn’t mean that, I mean why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

‘I-“ now that was a point, why didn’t I tell him before. I should have, I knew deep down that was what I felt. I should have told him.

“I’m sorry” I whispered.

“Don’t be sorry…it’s not your fault…I’ll help you”

Now I was the one in shock…I couldn’t believe it, he wanted to help me, even after I didn’t tell him about it. His expression turned from shock to a smile. And even under these circumstances we began to laugh. It was more of a nervous laugh, than anything else.

“Are you sure?” I asked surprised.

“Of course! What are friends for.” This statement made butterflies stir in my stomach. I knew we were friends but hearing him say it just made me think that it was solid. A million questions buzzed into my head all at once.

“But, how?” I was still not sure what he was planning to do, I just hoped it wasn’t drastic.

“I will try and help you with your family, you know, bring you closer together.”

“Really! But what about moving to New York?”

“Well I can’t make you mum change her mind. And anyway…I think you should go…it’s a good opportunity for you. You’ll make new friends…” His voice wondered as if he didn’t quite believe it or – he was sad? That can’t be right.

“We can still stay in touch,” I blurted out. I clasped my hands tight, into fists, digging my nails into my palm, not enough to draw blood, but enough to hurt.

“Yeah…” his voice was defiantly sad now. I felt a ting of guilt, which I could not understand. My face dropped, as I realised I had upset him. I knew I should have come up with a lie and kept him from the truth. The truth is painful, I should know.

His face broke into an impossibly white smile. “Come on, cheer up Alex, I’m here for you.” This was so sweet my concentration lapsed for a second and a fat tears rolled down my cheek. I tightened my jaw to stop any more coming. Jason quickly pulled down his sleeve and began to wipe the tear. The cotton fabric gently stroked my face, as soft as a feather. He did it so softly the fabric tickled my cheek.

“Alex, I need to tell you something…something I have been meaning to tell you for years. I finally think it’s time I told you…I lo-”

“JASON! ALEX!” Jason was cut off by the high pitched squeal that came from in front of us. I realised that we had arrive to the school. The scream was followed by soft pitter-patter of someone running in high heels on concrete and heavier footsteps following at the same pace. I turned 180º expecting to see Madison. But instead I saw beautiful face of the football and rugby hero, Nick and his cheerleader and grade A bitch girlfriend, Chelsea.