Soldat (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

You were a bad influence for Soldat, making him break all kinds of rules that he never did before meeting you. As of lately, he had been sneaking into your room so he could see you more. The two of you had been growing closer and it was nice to get time to stop training and try to know the Winter Soldier as a human.

"Do you remember anything before Hydra." You asked your friend, looking up with wide (e/c) eyes and talking in between bites of cold chicken. He looked down solemnly and you quickly got angry with yourself, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No. It's fine. It's just...the more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't know anything but Hydra. They wipe me before I can become too attached to the world." His face seemed to sadden more than normal and you didn't know how to cheer him up. "I think that sometimes I can remember. I remember a young boy. I think he was my friend. We would ride bikes together...I think." He was confused and had a difficult time just grasping that simple concept of once being young.

"I thought they wiped you," you tried, cautiously. "How do you remember?"

"Through my dreams. Sometimes I'll see a blur from the past, but not enough to make sense."

"I think it's the same for me!" You said overly excited. "I will sometimes see things that look like they can be from my childhood and what my old house I think was and a lake and people and..." You rambled out random images that passed through your subconscious at night before stopping abruptly.

"What is it?" Soldat asked, curious of what clock worked inside your mind. He had always been fascinated by you and was reluctantly ecstatic to see a sneak peak into your life.

"All my dreams end in flames. Before I fully grasp a concept, the fire snuffs it out." You spoke quietly, "what do you think that means?"

"I don't really know. Maybe there was a fire when you were younger."

"Maybe." You chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating the reason behind it. "But I always wake up hotheaded. I think my powers do something to effect my memory."

"I wish that when they wiped me I could control the things that came back." The soldier's face contained a blank façade. "I see the people I hurt. The people I kill. I watch the life drain from their eyes and there isn't a thing I can do to stop it."

With glistening eyes you tried to speak, "Oh Soldat I-"

"I remember every one of them too." He cut you off, his expression hardens with self-hatred. "And I hate being the one to train you into the same cold blooded killer that I am." You sat there quietly, unaware of what to say; he was never so honest with you. "Can I see them? Your powers, I mean." Soldat asked, trying to change the subject.

You didn't know what else to do other than follow his request. He had accepted your powers and started to take an interest in them. You practiced your self-control the past couple weeks and every time he was with you, he seemed to appreciate your abilities.

With a snap of your fingers, you had mini firework displays light up the dimly lit room. The colors white, blue, and red were infused in the air and they fizzled and flew to every corner of the room. You were careful not to let any of the sparks fall on Soldat, but let them encircle you. The hot flares and heated soot did not effect your skin, and you watched how engrossed Soldat was with the show. His eyes reflected every burst of light that lit his eyes with wonder and amazement.

He grabbed your dainty left hand, causing the sky rockers to shoot off more rapidly. "You are the most incredible person I have ever met."

"That's because I'm one of the only people you've met." You joked, but couldn't help the way your heart had fluttered at him comment.

His tongue darted out to set his lips and he continued unsteadily, "I think it would be true even if I had memories. There is no one like you on the planet."

His frank statement was all that you wanted to hear and was enough to make you blush. You looked down, avoiding eye contact with the soldier. When you looked back up, you saw that his eyes were in the previous position of your own. He was looking down at your hand; he was looking at your ring. When realization hit you, the bursts of color fizzled out and fell to the floor. "I've noticed that before. Who is it from?"

"I don't know...I don't remember." Your voice was filled with sorrow that you didn't know you contained.

"Why do you wear it then?" He inquired.

You thought for a moment before answering. You knew that what you were going to say could potentially ruin any hope for a future with your Soldat if you dawned in the past, but you were not going to lie to him. "I like it because it makes me feel loved." You stared plainly. "That somewhere out in this big world, somebody loves me. It's more for comfort really. It just makes me feel that someone in this world cared for me, so maybe someone could do so again." You spoke quietly, not only admitting to the Winter Soldier, but also to yourself, the truth that you had been burying.

"I like that."

Your head snapped up at his comment, "you do?"

"Yeah. I like that you have hope of getting out. Of finding a life away from Hydra. It gives me hope."

"Really?" Your eyes shined with joy. You did want to leave the terrible place so bad and you believed that with Soldat's help, anything would be possible.

"Yes." He replied while looking into your pretty eyes. You took the moment and rested your head on Soldat's shoulder. The action caused him to tense up at first touch, but he quickly became relaxed at the feeling. This whole situation just felt right. You felt like you were supposed to be with him and was glad that he was the one who trained and protected you.

Just when you started to feel free and without a care in the world, your metal door slammed open, causing the concrete wall to crack where it was hit.

Your soldier sprung apart from you and whispered, "goodbye Engel."

Your face flashed with confusion, worry, and then anger and the guards took him away. He just gave you a reassuring smile, so small that the other soldiers wouldn't notice, before retiring to a blank stare.

You charged at the men, trying to free your friend, but your nose only met the hard door as it slammed back shut, locking you inside. You tried to break down the door, continuously kicking at it, but it was too strong.

The entire room heated up in your frustration and visible smoke could be seen dealing from your ears.

They had made your room fire proof after your first incident with your powers, and made it so you could not escape that way.

After wearing yourself out from trying to save your soldier, you plopped down on your ash covered bed. Sitting in the quiet for only a few seconds, you heard a loud yell echo off the walls. It was a scream that you heard when someone was in pain. It was the scream that you heard when a disobedient soldier was having his memory wiped. Each time he yelled, the cries for help grew louder and louder. You sat on the edge, gripping your sheets so tight that your hands turned blue. The pained groans and yelps kept you awake all night. You couldn't stop thinking about the pain he was in and the fact that you had caused it. You made him break the rules and for what? Not only did you do that, but you were the one to get him caught; your fireworks were too loud and attracted attention. Now he was going through immense pain and he didn't even know who you were.