fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter twenty

Seokjin sighed, reminding the other two of his presence in the place, "Guess I'll just pack all dinner for later." before disappearing into the kitchen, leaving Yoongi and Taehyung alone in the room, each trapped inside their own minds while trying to keep their emotions at bay. The rapper forced the lump on his throat down, blinking his eyes open again and looking at Taehyung that was still standing up besides the couch, looking at it like it had just offended him deeply. The young singer sighed heavily before finally moving, making his way to Yoongi so he could get into the hallway and lock himself into his room like everyone seemed to be doing in this goddamn apartment.

Before Taehyung could complete his task he froze on the spot as Yoongi whispered under his breath, "You told me not to break his heart," the words caught him by surprised and he turned around and stared at the elder, but the rapper maintained his gaze fixed on the ceiling, even if Taehyung could see he wasn't really focusing on it, "Told me not to break his heart even more." Taehyung just nodded weakly even if the elder couldn't see him, not trusting his voice not to break if he tried to speak. Why was everything suddenly like this again? He was so sure they were doing good, he was just so fucking sure.

Why couldn't things just go back to the way they were?

Finally, Yoongi looked at him and Taehyung could see the exact moment that the elder's eyes reflected the same thing that he was sure could be seen in his eyes, "What do I do when the more I try to fix it the more he seems to break?" the rapper's voice faltered at the end of his phrase and there was unshed tears glistening on the elder's eyes that Taehyung was sure he would let them out as soon as he was alone, "He's breaking his own heart, Taehyung, and I'm tired of just standing in the sidelines waiting for everything to crash."

Taehyung just stood there as he watched one of his hyungs, one of the most important people in the world for him sigh like he had the weight of worlds on his shoulders and walk past him, patting him gently on the shoulder before entering his own room, the soft click of the lock sounding like a bomb to his ear.

He went to sleep that night with Yoongi's terrified gaze burned on the back of his mind.

⍉

Jimin was sure he was gonna end up breaking his skin if he didn't let go of his arms, fingernails buried deep on his biceps that he was sure the marks wouldn't fade for at least a few hours. Maybe they would still be there tomorrow to remind Jimin of how fucking weak he really was; how pathetic he will always be. There were dry tear streaks marking his cheeks and his eyes were aching; a dull ache on his back from spending God knows how long seating in an uncomfortable position against the door before finally getting up in unsteady legs and throwing himself on the bed, face down against the pillow. The tears had stopped already, but Jimin could still feel the words they said ringing on his mind, an endless loop that his brain was forcing him to endure while all he just wanted was it to stop. He just wanted his fucking mind to stop.

The singer was aware of the door opening and softly being closed, the lock releasing a soft click as it went back to its place, but he didn't bother to turn when he already knew who it was. The bed dipped a bit when Yoongi took a seat on the opposite side Jimin was lying on, staying still for a while before laying down with the younger, but still at a respectable distance, not knowing if Jimin was ok with being touched right now or not. He stayed silent, staring at his boyfriend's back, waiting for something, anything; giving Jimin the power to hold or not this conversation right now. Thankfully it didn't take him a long time to start, voice bellow a whisper.

"I promise I didn't do it," the singer's voice was hoarse from disuse but even in its low tone Yoongi understood him, moving himself slowly a bit closer to Jimin but still not touching him, "Hyung, I promise, I- I didn't do it, you can check, I didn't. I promise I kept my promise, you have to believe me-" his voice broke and the rapper now he was once more holding back his tears.

"I believe you, Minnie," I promise I'm trying my best to, "Okay? It's alright, I believe you. Don't cry, love, it's okay."

Jimin huffed a sad laugh, "Nothing's ever okay when it comes to me." Yoongi sighed soundlessly, staring at the back of Jimin's head in the dark room, wanting nothing more than to bring the younger to his arms and hug the sadness out of him until he could see the light shining on his eyes once more. He quietly voiced his thoughts, asking Jimin if he could touch him and draping an arm around the singers waist and pulling him in until his back was against Yoongi's chest, the elder hiding his face on the younger's nape, breathing in Jimin's scent, nuzzling on it. The elder stayed quiet for a few seconds, waiting to see if Jimin was going to say something more, but the only thing the boy did was slowly turn around so he could press his face against the rapper's chest, allowing Yoongi to only get a quick glimpse at his swollen eyes and stained cheeks.

Yoongi brought his hand to Jimin's hair, caressing the messy strands while the younger hugged his waist, sniffling every once in awhile, "Can I ask you something?" the elder asked, trying to help the younger the best that he could without fucking everything up by saying the wrong thing. So when Jimin slowly nodded after a few seconds unresponsive, he thought over his words before voicing them, "Why didn't you tell us you had those when we asked? We just want to help, Jimin, but we can't do it if you don't let us."

There was a minute long pause before Jimin finally answered him, "It's embarrassing, Yoongi," he said, trying his best to keep his voice stable, "It's so fucking embarrassing, all of this. It's embarrassing having all of you looking at me like I'm someone strange, like you guys don't know me and knowing it's all my fault. I broke all of your trust and it seems like no matter what I do I'm never gonna win it back, so please tell me what do you think it would have happened if I told you that? Do you honestly think they would've believed me if I told them I didn't do anything. Because they don't know, and they wouldn't have it if I told it either."

Yoongi sighed, knowing that to an extent the younger was right; if there was something all of them were good at was getting ahead of things and supposing everything before hearing the whole story. But they could try, they could still try; for Jimin they would try anything it took.

Jimin's next words brought his attention back to the boy, "Sometimes I'd just sit with them in my hands and wonder why not, but I never did it. I never did it because I promise you I'd try and it's so fucking hard, Yoongi, somedays all I want to do it's tore my whole body open but I've broken so many promises already. But it's so fucking hard and that's why I never could get rid of them and I'm sorry you had to find out like this," a sob escaped the younger's lips and Yoongi pulled him closer to himself, doing his best to make the boy feel safer, "I'm so sorry for being like this, Yoongi, I just want to be normal again, I can't take this anymore, everytime I think I'm getting good something always throw me to the bottom again and I'm tired of getting up."

The boy was crying all over again and all Yoongi could do was whisper comforting words on his ears, softly rocking them slowly in the mattress, holding the younger boy with all the strength he could manage to. The rapper was biting his bottom lip, holding back his own tears as Jimin's sobs echoed on his brain, breaking his heart into tiny little pieces, cutting into his lungs and making it harder to breath than it already was. It hurt him so fucking much to watch Jimin going through this and knowing he couldn't do jackshit besides being there for him all the time because he just wanted to take all his sadness away. If he could just swap places with Jimin; he'd be fine with that. He could go through everything he went in the past years all over again and again if it meant not ever again having Jimin sound so hopeless in his arms.

He'd do anything to make the boy happy again, but nothing was working and as Jimin passed out from exhaustion in his arms after crying his eyes out again for God knows how long, he allowed the tears to finally slip free from his eyes to run down his cheeks. He held the boy close, trying to keep the sobs forcing their way to his throat at the minimum volume possible, not wanting Jimin to wake up to him being such a mess. His throat hurt and his heart was aching, but there was nothing he could do about it and it hurt even more knowing that.

Trying to keep Jimin here and breathing was the only thing he could do, but nothing was work and Yoongi was terrified that someday he wouldn't be enough anymore.