wings || Jung Hoseok

1.2

[extremely important a/n at the end of this chapter, please read for clarification]

I thought back to how pure he looked bandaging my knees and hands. How he gently cleaned the wounds and blew on them when the antiseptic began to sting.

Jung Hoseok I think I'm falling for you.

~~

//the next day\\

This morning Bang PD gave me a call regarding work. He opened up a position for me as a producer and as a part-time manager for the boys. I'll be starting on Monday, which is only two days away. When I first heard my phone ring I almost didn't answer it, but I'm glad I did.

I laid in my bed for hours, simply staring at the ceiling fan. Oliver tried to get me up to feed him but my body just would not move. I felt frozen. Time flew by faster than it felt. What felt like thirty minutes to me was actually 3 hours. I didn't shower, or brush my teeth, or even bother to change out of my pajamas. 

My phone kept ringing but after talking to Bang PD, all of my energy felt drained. I didn't answer it once. Eventually text notifications started blowing up my phone as well. Probably from "work." Well really it was just this market place that i volunteered at sometimes who paid me for small deeds.

My eyes drooped and I almost fell asleep until heavy knocks broke me out of my trance. Whoever was at the door just would not stop knocking. They were saying something, but I couldn't understand. The doorknob jiggled and then everything stopped, it became silent. I let out a heavy sigh, I guess they did't want to see me that bad. Small clicking noises come from my door.

The lock turned and I began to panic. What if it was a murderer, or a criminal? The door flew open hitting the wall loudly. A voice rung out through the apartment, calling my name.

"Sunny! Sunny, where are you!?" Hoseok yelled. I didn't reply.

I heard him rushing around, checking every room. Finally, he ran into my room, a bead of sweat running from underneath his bangs. My eyes teared up as I saw him. I don't know why.

Suddenly a wave of sobs racked my body. I curled into a ball and covered myself with my blankets. He just stood there, staring with an unreadable expression. He didn't move nor waver, just stared. I clutched the duvet between my fingers, trembling as I tried to control my emotions.

"Sunny... what happened?" Hoseok asked softly. His footsteps neared the bed and stopped just in front of my body. He slipped off his shoes and lifted the covers gently. He slipped underneath them and snaked his arms around my body, holding me like I was too fragile to touch. He placed one hand on the back on my head and one on my lower back, moving it in calming circles. My breath hitched in my throat as I continued to cry into his chest. He continued to whisper encouraging and calming sentences into my ear.

"I'm here, nothing can hurt you now."

"Shh, Sunny, everything is going to be okay."

"You are alright, I've got you."

"Take deep breaths, in and out."

"Let it all out, you'll feel better afterwards."

After almost an hour of just Hoseok holding me on my bed, I finally stop hysterically crying. He plays with the ends of my hair and continues to draw small patterns into my skin. Our breathing is in sync and helps calm me even more. I can feel and hear his heartbeat in his chest, rhythmically pulsing. I sigh and sit up, facing him with red eyes and a puffy face.

"Don't say anything if you don't want to. I know you'll tell me when you are ready, but right now you don't seem in the best state so how about instead, I run you a nice bath and put bubbles in it?" Hobi asks. I nod my head.

"Come on," he gestures towards the master bathroom, grabbing my hands and helping me up off of the bed. My whole body feels weak from the crying and sleeping I've been doing all day. His touch sends butterflies swirling in my stomach. Hoseok's hand fits almost perfectly with mine, like two pieces of a puzzle.

He instructs me to sit on the sink counter while he runs the bath. I watch him while he moves, the muscles in his back contracting and moving this way and that, his hands clasping different objects trying to find the bubble soap, and the way his bangs fall in his face when he leans down.

"All set," he simply states while handing me a towel, "I'll be in the living space if you need me. I'm not leaving until I know you're okay."

"Thank you," I whisper almost inaudibly.

He leaves and I lock the door. I undress and slip into the warm water, allowing my muscles to relax. The bubbles nearly come up to my chin, which makes me chuckle, because if I sink low enough and come back up it looks like I have a giant bubble beard. I wash my hair with my shampoo and conditioner before scrubbing my face with acne cleanser. 

I let out a heavy sigh and sink underneath the water. I close my eyes and just sink as deep as I can go. I suck in and the water fills my lungs. I begin to sputter and cough, but I don't allow myself to surface. I hold myself underneath until I begin to slip out of consciousness. 

~~~~

this book is in no way meant to romanticize mental illnesses. nothing as serious as this should EVER be glorified or romanticized because there is absolutely nothing "adorable" about someone with and illness that makes them want to harm themselves or others. later on in the story you will understand what i mean, but i have received a few... comments... about how i'm romanticizing something that should not be glorified. to clear things up, i've used personal experiences in this book. i know what i'm talking about as i have experienced it myself. do not message me telling me how wrong i am for something you know nothing about. i'm tired of having to explain this to each and every angsty 12 year old that feels the need to criticize something that does not involve them.

thank you to my beautiful and loyal readers for getting me this far. thank you for the positive feedback. i appreciate it all and actually get really excited to see a new comment or vote here and there. 

don't be a silent reader, i love hearing from ya'll (as long as it's not r00d m8 although i am open to constructive criticism)! <3