wings || Jung Hoseok

0.4

(trigger warning. if you are sensitive to content that involves suicidal tendencies do not read.)

// two weeks later \\

CRASH. I throw the mug in my hand at the floor. I shove everything off of the counter and look around the room to release anger on. I relentlessly push and stumble throughout my house, completely forgetting that I have work in 45 minutes. My body is numb and continues on autopilot. My knees buckle and I hit the hardwood floor with a thud. Tears stream down my cheeks as I try to let out a scream but my throat is too sore and my voice is too raspy.

The medication isn't working, the medication isn't working, the medication isn't working.

I can't help but feel too many emotions at once. All of the pain from my past and present come flooding back, too fast for me to handle. The doctors lowered my dosage thinking I was getting better. They were mistaken. I stared at the pink scars that littered my pale skin. My scars are to me as paint is to canvas.

 Unconsciously, I began walking towards my bedroom, pulling the shoe box out of my closet and rifling through the contents.  I pick up the all too familiar blade and press it to the tip of my finger, piercing the skin and drawing a small amount of blood.

You are worthless. Stop acting like people enjoy your presence you piece of garbage. What's the point of living if you're just going to die anyways, right? Nobody truly cares about you. When is the last time one of your so called "friends" called you, or texted you for that matter. Why haven't you heard from your parents in years, huh? You are a disappointment.

Oliver begins running through and around my legs, seemingly knowing my intentions. He meows and repeatedly runs around trying to get my attention. A haze overtakes my mind and my body becomes numb. I can't seem to control my movements as they just... happen. I place the blade on my arm and slowly begin to scrape until blood begins to drip from the small cut. Over and over I continue to slice the scarred skin along my arms. As I start to begin a new wound, a notification from my phone startles me back to reality. 

Angel: good morning cutie, I hope you slept well. Call or text me later and maybe we can go grab some food together. :-)

Sobs escape my mouth as I drop to my knees. Oliver runs over to me and jumps in my lap. He nuzzles his head into my stomach and allows me to pet him as I calm down. Thoughts of how happy the boys made me flooded my mind and a warm sensation overtook my body. I shouldn't be doing this. Not after meeting them, not after making friends, not after everything they've already done for me.  Gi ChinSun don't be so selfish. Think of others too. Think of how they would feel if they knew about your secret.

I picked up my phone and decided to text him back.

hey hobi i'm free today so whatever time is good for me

Work can wait. They'll be just fine without me anyways.

Sunshine: That's great okay so meet at the bench at 10? We can go get some ice cream afterwards if you want

yEs PLeaSe

Angel: Tsk such a child

this child will drop kick you with the force of 5 billion bulls

Angel: more like 5 billion loads of bull crap

ExCuSe YoU forget it im not coming -_-

Angel: noooooOOOoooOo pleaseeee ;^;

hmm only because you said please

Hoseok doesn't respond for a little bit after that making me feel like he doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe he's just like the others.

Angel: iyhbnjbm'voic;uiycyovbjn

Angel: kuyij[pajv;e

Angel: Is your name Ariel bc we mermaid for each other

Angel: If I told you I wanted you, would you hold it against me?

My face turns a deep shade of red as I stare at my phone. I shake the embarrassment from my soul before deciding to text back.

ahaha are you okay?

I wait for five minutes but there is no response.

hobi?

is everything okay?

hello...

INCOMING CALL: Sunshine

"Hello? Sunny are you- YA SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO TALK ON THE PHONE!" I hear Hoseok yell.

"Uh.. yeah, hey. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm sorry, Jimin took my phone and-" Hobi gets cut off my a muffled Jimin screaming in the background.

"HOSEOK HYUNG LIKES Y-"

Shuffling and squeaks can be heard from the phone. One thought lingers in my mind as I listen intently to the idiots on the line.

Jimin was trying to say Hobi likes you.

"H-hey Sunny I'm sorry but I'll have to call you back. They won't stop messing with me while I'm talking to you. So yeah... uh I'll meet you soon. Sorry bye!" Hoseok rushes out before almost ending the call. 

"Hobi wait." My voice cracks sadly.

"Are you okay? What-" I started to quietly cry on the phone and he quickly picks up the emotions flooding from my end of the call. "Tell me your address I'm coming over right now."

I quietly end the call and text him my address before tossing my phone on my bed. I continue to lie on the floor and cry as the wounds on my arm slowly begin to scab over. While Hoseok is on his way I rush into the bathroom and clean the blood from my arms and hands. I then proceed to pull on an oversized black sweatshirt to cover the damage I've caused to my skin, once again. I put my hair up into a messy bun and walk into the bathroom to wash my face. 

There's no point in me doing this, really. When Hoseok gets here he'll probably pry it out of me and I'll just cry all over again.

About 25 minutes pass before I hear frantic knocking at my door. I take one last look in the mirror, pull my sleeves down as far as they'll go, and begin walking towards the door.

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lmao nope not yet

wow i'm such a great writer, i don't update for like 2 months and then give ya'll a crappy short chapter full of angst

as demi lovato says, "baby i'm sorry i'm not sorry"