Loneliness // Thomas Sangster //

Introduction

I remember it clear as day, telling him; my best friend that we could no longer hang out. His smile faltered, he averted my gaze as his gorgeous British accent flowed right out with his reply, "If that's what will make you happy then... Okay." He sighed. He then turned his back on me and walked away, I couldn't do anything, I simply watched him go before a mass of students filled the hallways and blocked my view of him. I'd just lost the boy I was in love with.

Things got worse from that point on, I was bullied because of my looks, my acne, my plain brunette hair, my glasses... Because of everything about me and this time he wasn't there to stick up for me. I was beaten to the ground by both guys and girls until one day, I left. I didn't even go to the Principal's office to ask if I could, it was one day in English when I was fifteen, I threw my bag on my back and headed for the door, ignoring the teacher calling out to me, I walked down the corridor and left the school immediately, I climbed over the gate at the end of the field and went straight home, none of my parents were home at this point so I locked my bedroom door, I wouldn't even let my older brother in who had seemingly followed me out of school.

I stayed locked in my bedroom for five months, only leaving to grab a snack, I refused to eat properly during those months, I didn't talk to my parents or brother, I stayed in my bedroom, sad music blasting, tears pouring as I inflicted wounds upon myself with an old blade and thought of ways to end my life. I had fallen into a deep depression and was almost going anorexic, that was until I had a talk with my older brother Sammy.

"If you really hate your life that much then do something about it, Rebecca. Don't sit in your bedroom wallowing, get off your ass, change what you don't like, tell that boy you love him, go for your goals and achieve them all, make something of yourself and for the love of God... Please Star, please..." He began to say but his voice broke at the end. "Please stop hurting yourself." He pleaded with me as tears graced his face.

He's what got me to make things right so I began doing a self-defence class, I dyed my boring brown hair purple, I got rid of my glasses and stuck to contact lenses, I cleared my skin of acne and anything else that shouldn't have been there, I began eating properly again and even began exercising more, I began spending time with my parents more often and even went back to studying, occasionally at home but other times at the library with my older brother who also happened to be my tutor. And before I knew it, I was happy with how I looked, what I weighed and just generally myself in person. The self-harming was hard to put a stop to but I even eventually managed to do that.

I was currently a week clean when I got the letter saying I'd been accepted into UCLA, I was over the moon and jumping around like a complete lunatic with my brother who already attended there. I did originally wanna go to NYU because I knew that everyone I knew and hated in high school would've been going to UCLA but then my dad got promoted so we definitely couldn't move over there, then my mum fell pregnant with my new baby brother who is due in four months and blah de blah de blah, everything happened to stop me going to NYU so in the end it had to be the University of California, Los Angeles which I absolutely didn't mind, to be honest. I was a different girl now and in no way would I be recognised.

I soon made it to University, I parked in the parking lot right beside my brother and climbed out, I made my way into the building where the Principal's office was, we talked for a while, went over some formalities and stuff before he handed me my dorm key and dismissed me. I grabbed my things and began heading to the right room, I knew my way around thanks to my brother who I had visited multiple times last year whilst he was here, I ran my fingers through my hair to get it out of my face but of course I dropped some of my luggage, "Fucking hell." I groaned. "Woah there." A strong American accent said. I lifted my head to see a brunette girl, I thanked her as I grabbed my stuff. "What dorm are you?" She asked. I pointed over to a door which was only a few metres away from us, "Well, looks like we're roomies." She smiled. "I'm Lydia Jackson." She said as we made it into the room. She finally shook my hand as I dropped my things, "Junior." I nodded as I shook hers. "Junior?" She questioned. "Yeah, uh... My full name is Rebecca Anaya Jay Hanover, but when my mum fell pregnant my father began calling me junior because I'm now the middle child and it kind of just stuck so that's how I introduce myself now." I mumbled with a small smile. She still looked confused, "Okay, so my older brother, Sammy, he's senior because he's the oldest, then there's me, the second child so I'm Junior... And then when the baby pops out he'll be the infant." I explained to her. "Oh right, I gotcha now." She laughed. I nodded with a smile, "You want the bed by the wall or by the window?" She asked me. "Uh, imma take the wall one." I nodded with a smile. I hated sleeping near a window, I unpacked quickly causing her to watch me with a baffled expression at how quickly I manoeuvred around the room to unpack. I was done within a couple hours causing Lydia to look even more confused, "How in God's green one did you unpack so quickly?" She asked as I sorted my DVD's and CDs onto the DVD shelf. "Oh, uh... I've moved around quite a bit, I had to get used to packing and unpacking." I laughed with a light shrug. "I love your accent, it's so weird. Like a British but mixed with American. I can't explain it." She said before laughing nervously. "Thanks, mums British, dad's American... Also, I lived in London for six years when I was four so." I smiled before shrugging. "Wanna grab some coffee?" She asked. "Yeah, sure." I nodded. I'd found myself a friend already.

We both left the dorm, she locked it. We then began heading to the Starbucks they had on the campus, it was always one of my favourite places to drink whenever I came to see Sammy. "So, majors, hit me with em." She said. "Criminology and Photography." I told her. "I'm also doing Law, Music, Art and Math." I added. "Extra curricular's I'm planning on doing are Dance and Drama. And I'm also gonna try out for the basketball team." I told her. "Niiiice." She smiled. "How about you?" I asked. "Majors are Art and Criminology. Also doing Photography, Music, Math and English. Same extra curricular's as you and I'm planning on trying out for the basketball team also." She smiled. I nodded with a smile, "Wow." I smiled. "Can I just say that I love your hair colour? The purple but it also has hints of blue in, it's amazing." She smiled. I smiled, "Thank you." I said awkwardly. We soon made it to the Starbucks, "Tom, you've got customers!!" Someone shouted. He was the one preparing drinks, I assume Tom was the checkout person. "Imma get a light snack with mine, you order first." I whispered to Lydia who nodded as I headed towards the cookie and cake display. "Hi, what can I get you, Jay Jay." I heard a British accent say. "Thomas?! Wow, why didn't you tell me you had a job here? That should be something you tell your friend." She scolded the dude. He simply laughed as I continued looking at the cookies, "I'll have a cookies and creme frappé please along with a chocolate chip cookie." She smiled. "Okie dokie, that's just $5.35." He told her. I heard the till soon ding as he was putting money in, "Come on woman, you're taking longer than my grandmother does when walking to the store." She complained at me. I laughed lightly before walking over, "I'll have a strawberries and cream frappé please and a double chocolate chip brownie cookie please." I smiled before finally lifting my eyes to see the checkout boy. My breathing hitched in my throat, my eyes became wide, it was him. It was Thomas, my old best friend, the boy I'd been in love with since the age of fourteen but I left him at fifteen. "That's just $5.60." He said with a smile. It was that same smile I'd always loved, I quickly handed him the money before walking over to Lydia. "Are you okay? You look like you've just seen a ghost." She told me. "I have, a ghost of my flipping past." I grumbled. "You knew Thomas?" She asked. "Knew him? I was best friends with him in high school until everything went wrong." I shrugged. "Damn, what happened?" She asked. "I told him we couldn't hang out anymore and he accepted it, I dropped out of school at fifteen and began studying at home. I slowly forgot about him." I mumbled. "He doesn't recognise you, does he?" She asked me. "No, he doesn't. I've changed a lot since high school, believe me." I mumbled as we collected out order then headed to find a table.

We ate in mostly silence, only making the occasional small talk. I wasn't completely lying when I told her about my past, I was simply bending the truth a little. We soon finished and were heading out of Starbucks, we walked around and looked in at the other little shops and cafés that were on the campus. There were a couple more coffee shops, a few cafes and even a little restaurant, a few snack bars, there were a couple of bookshops and a few music and DVD stores there, it was like a mall but smaller. We stopped outside a bakery that was on Campus, the smell of pastries and cakes filled my lungs, I quickly walked in and bought a cheese and onion pasty and a toffee doughnut with a cream filling inside. We then headed back to our dorm.

The dorm was well lit, white fairy lights hung across the top of the pastel purple walls, a 152-inch flat screen TV was screwed to the wall opposite our two beds. A dresser sat at the foot of both our beds, opposite the dressers were doors; these doors led to the bathrooms. We had a bedside table at the side of our beds, a lamp stood on each table along with photo frames that we'd put there holding pictures of family or friends. The wardrobe stood between the two doors that led to the bathroom, it was split into two so that we had a compartment of the wardrobe each. We had bean bags huddled in one corner of the room that we could bring out if needed, we also had study desks at either end of the room; one for me and one for her. There was a huge pastel purple fluffy rug on the floor between our two beds, the carpet underneath was a dark blue colour, Lydia's bedspread was a black colour with shiny gold stars printed on it making it look like the night sky, my bedspread was a light pink colour and it had a unicorn stood underneath a rainbow printed onto it. Our room was huge, definitely a lot larger than my brother's dorm room.

As nightfall came, our conversations became less and less and our voices started sounding more and more drained and drowsy. We eventually said our goodnight's and were both eventually pulled into a much-needed sleep.

~ HEY GUYSSS! HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE INTRO. SMASH THAT VOTE BUTTON IF YA DID AND LEAVE A COMMENT. LOVE Y'ALL MUCHLY. - B. 💙