W O N D E R W A L L [ m.h ]

37

Hello!

Posting this now, because I won't have time in the rest of the week...not that you guys mind, right? Right. :)

Anyway, this is unedited version and I will probably go around to edit it once I am done with the entire story.

Read, enjoy, vote and comment! You guys are the best... <3

PS. @LiveShining has amazing story called Love To Hate Me, so please check it out! It's worth your attention, I promise..

xx

Lola

**

Sheila brought her hand to her face and nervously rubbed at her right eye – the wool fabric of Xavier's jumper feeling harsh against the sensitive skin.

She was sitting next to Matty on a small fixed bench outside the house, anxious and scared at the same time, wondering how to break the uncomfortable silence that wined around them just like the ivy on the wall behind.

Her feet still touched the dewy grass, socks bunched around her ankles and she could feel slight dampness from beneath her, seeping through the fabric of her jeans.

She was cold.

Sheila wanted to be the first one to speak.

She had so many thoughts that she needed to transform in words and get out of her heart, but every time she opened her mouth to speak, nothing came out – as if she was mute. It wasn't as if she never done it before, but both times she was either drunk or too tired to think over her words, and now, that she was perfectly sober, she wondered why it was so difficult. But, deep down, she knew that she was just scared – of rejection and final heartbreak.

She glanced at Matty and the way he delicately held his unlit cigarette between his fingers. The previous one was finished few minutes ago and it rested, stubbed in the terracotta ashtray – the smell of it still lingering in the air. He was nervous and she could tell that he was itching to light another one – from the way his body seemed to be tense and how nervously he was playing with a lighter against his jeans-clad thigh.

Looking away, she focused on the flowerbeds of purple and red violas, neatly arranged along the cut grass – a small sigh escaping her lips.

"I really feel I am going to fuck it up again, Sheila," his voice broke the silence, surprising her. He sounded so different and it made her wonder why. "Not now."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth – her mind working through all possible answers that she wanted to give him.

"Okay," she finally replied, mentally hitting herself for being so passive-aggressive and anxious.

Matty's mouth opened and shut in a blink of an eye and the silence, more eerie than before, swallowed them in a second.

"It's fucking not okay," he suddenly raised his voice, breaking out of the uncomfortable mess that they were in. He turned his head to face her and although she was still looking down, she could imagine his eyes glowering with annoyance at her; at her answer. "It is not okay and you know it, Sheila..." he trailed off– his voice coming down to its normal octave, "...you need to scream at me to say what I was supposed to say all this time."

Sheila's lip trembled and she could feel the tears form in the corner of her eyes.

"I did, and not only with words," she whispered, glancing at him. She wasn't angry or disappointed, but the entire running in the circles was tiring her out and she had a feeling they were at the beginning again. "God knows I did, Matty, but you never listened. Not when you said that kissing me was a mistake, or when you kissed Paige in front of me after we slept together, and then New York," she breathed out, "oh, God, Matty." Sheila bit back the words that almost slipped her mouth, for good. "Is this what you want to hear? Is this how my voice is supposed to sound so that you finally realise what's going on?" She didn't want to hurt them both, so instead, she ran a hand over her face and through her hair, taking the headpiece off in the process. "I even lost my job because of you and instead of defending myself in front of Jamie, I swallowed everything he told me in that email—"