Ms. Heartbreaker Meets Mr. Player

Chapter 17: Azariah | New Found Friend

Chapter 17: Azariah | New Found Friend

Title: New Found Friend

POV: Azariah

 

 

          We never made it official.

          Those words are the last thing I want to hear, and now that I have heard it, coming from the woman I love. It hurts so much. It’s like poking your heart with a needle with a wide of 100 inches. And now, here I am, standing outside while raining. I should have been honest to her, and now, I’m facing the consequence: suffering. It’s because I am so stupid, and I’m blaming myself for this. Why do I have to suffer again? My heart is being tortured just by thinking of me without Jennifer.

          Thinking of myself without Jennifer beside me is pointless, I admit, I have never felt anything like this back then. This is worse than the past, than the incident with last year. My heart is being punished, being stomped thousand times, again and again and again. I am irking myself right now, though it will not fix my life and relationship. I should fix this, end this hurt once and for all. All the pain I will endure is worth it, just to get Jennifer back in my arms, in my life, in my heart. I need her trust, and I need to prove it.

          I feel like I’m in a movie, where I need to get my girl back into my life, to push her back into the picture. And I must say I will do everything and I won’t give up. Even if she wants to push me again and again and again. I won’t give up, that’s a promise.

          I remember her kisses, on my lips, on my jawline. Her body against me, physical contacting her skin with mine. The touch. I remember all of those. It hurts so much, knowing that I won’t be able to do it again. To feel her again. To feel her soft lips against mine again. I shut my eyes, letting the rain soak my whole body. I’m still standing where Jennifer left me, can’t move, my feet feel like it’s glued on the floor. Damn, I want Jennifer so, so, so bad. I convince myself to move, or else I wouldn’t be able to get her back. So I force myself to move back into my room. Every step I take is getting heavy, like my feet’s weight are one thousand kilogram. She’s so near yet so far. Now my conscience won’t stop bugging me.

          God damn it, man. Man up! Get her back!

          I clutch the doorknob of my room, gripping it hard then twist it. The smell of my room hits my nose, and it’s bad. I forgot to clean it, so I should do it now so I have a distraction for a moment. Her words are starting replay all over again inside my head. Tears are starting to get out of my eyes. Man up! Don’t cry! I want to cry because it’s the right thing to do, yet it is so wrong. I clean my room, starting from the clothes that are on the floor. I haven’t washed this clothes yet. God, I am being unholy. When the work is done, I rest myself on the bed. Trying to calm myself, and trying to find courage. She broke my heart, she’s a heartbreaker. Ms. Heartbreaker. And I know I deserve. She broke my heart, of course, with my help. I helped her to break my heart. Does she still love me?

          Go talk to her and win her back! You idiot, selfish, dumb, jerk!

          I take a deep breathe, trying to fight the coward soul inside me. I drift to sleep, just to make myself relax. Just to prepare for ‘Must get Jennifer back into my life’ plan. I should be breaking right now, but I choose to fight. I choose to be strong. I choose to prove myself to her. Knowing myself, I won’t give up so easily… and I won’t give up. Even if it takes to make a fool of myself.