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Y O ' S P O I N T O F V I E W
HAVING dinner with Night used to feel so normal. We would usually have a very lively and engaging conversation, jumping from one topic to another. Sometimes we even have to remind ourselves that we have to cut short our conversation and go home because we still have to work on the following day. But tonight was a different case. We were silently eating our dinner, parehong nagpapakiramdaman. Gusto kong putulin ang katahimikan pero hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.
"Okay, ang awkward nito," he said and dropped his utensils. "This is so not us."
I nodded. "Pasensya na. I can't... I just can't..."
"Isa 'to sa rason kung bakit matagal kong sinabi sa'yo ang nararamdaman ko. Ayokong magbago ang treatment mo sa'kin. Ayokong maging awkward tayo sa isa't-isa."
"I'm so sorry, Night. Masasanay rin siguro ako kalaunan. Just give me time."
He sighed.
"Gusto kong malaman mo na hindi kita pipilitin na mahalin rin ako. I've accepted the fact that you only see me as a friend. There was a point na umasa akong baka pwede. Pero alam kong wala talaga."
"I know masakit ito para sa'yo. Pero ayokong magsinungaling sa'yo. I don't want to feed you with lies and make you hope for something that can never happen. Believe me, kung may paraan lang sana para sabihin sa'yo ang totoo without hurting you, gagawin ko. I don't want to hurt you."
"Shh, don't worry," he soothingly assured me through his gentle voice. "I truly understand, Yo. Kapag nagmahal ka, dapat handa ka ring masaktan. Package deal ang dalawang 'yan, eh. Kaya kung nasasaktan man ako ngayon, okay lang. This is part of the whole experience of falling in love."
Nagbabadya na namang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Pinilit kong pigilan ang mga iyon sa pagpatak. Ayokong maging emosyonal. Ayokong ipakita kay Night na naaawa ako sa kanya. He didn't need my pity.
"I don't deserve you," mapait kong sabi. "Bakit ka ba kasi na-in love sa'kin?"
"Believe me, I tried to stop myself from loving you. I tried to fight my feelings but to no avail. Hindi lang pala ulo ko ang matigas, pati pala ang puso ko. Ayaw makinig sa'kin, eh. Aya'n tuloy, nasasaktan ngayon."
"Night..."
"But please don't feel bad. 'Wag mong isipin na kasalanan mo 'to, dahil hindi. This is not your fault. I fell in love with you because you're the most wonderful person I've met. You have such a good heart that knows how to love purely. Sobrang intense mong magmahal. Napaka-selfless mo at ibibigay mo ang lahat para sa taong mahal mo."
"Gano'n naman dapat, 'di ba? 'Pag nagmahal ka, ibuhos mo ang lahat ng meron ka. Masaktan ka man sa huli, at least hindi mo kelangan i-blame ang sarili mo because you gave your best."
"Exactly. Isa 'yan sa natutunan ko mula sa'yo, kung pa'no magmahal ng totoo. At napakaswerte ni Pha dahil sya ang mahal mo. You're a gem. Your love is priceless. And he's one lucky bastard."
