H2O | ✔

Chapter Forty-One : Pebble, Rock, Boulder

"Yeah, I hate you

You left me

But I never stopped thinking about you

Not even a day

Honestly, I miss you

But now I'll erase you

Because it hurts less than to blame you"

Xander

1 year after reading the note...

There was a rock perpetually nestled in my throat where my neck met my shoulders. Every time I swallowed, every time I forced myself to breathe, it was there, like a sick reminder of everything I'd done, everything I couldn't take back.

Sometimes it didn't feel so much like a rock, sometimes it was more like a pebble. Those were the moments where I would forget for a moment. I would be watching a funny movie or playing soccer or reading a good book. They were the worst, because they only lasted so long, and once they were over, things came down to a new low, and suddenly my pebble was not a pebble nor a rock but a boulder.

My chest rose as I took yet another heavy breath. I couldn't remember what normal breathing was supposed to be like anymore. My hands found there way to the zipper on my light jacket, holding onto the light blue fabric and plastic. I pulled it up, closing the jacket over my t-shirt, and took another breath that made my heart drop into my knees.

A gulp and I was pulling on my worn sneakers, grabbing my mostly empty backpack, and jumping down the stairs. My feet were pounding on the wood floor as I jogged towards the door.

"Where you going?" someone called out, and I recognized the voice as Casey's.

"I—" the rock kept my voice from coming out right, so I tried futilely to clear it out. "I'm, uh, going for a walk."

There was a pause. I waited to see if she would call me on my bluff. I hadn't told her what I was planning but I knew she had some idea, though neither of us wanted to say it out loud. Finally, she replied,"O-okay. Be back before dinner alright?"

"Yeah," I answered, my voice course from the rock scratching against the walls of my throat. I knew Casey only asked me home before dinner because she wanted to ensure that I would come back. Honestly, it was something I'd yet to decide.

Without another sound, I fled the house. My feet were hitting the pavement, bringing me down a path I'd been running for two years.

House after housed passed me by. I was walking towards what could either be the end or the beginning. Of something. I wasn't sure quite what, but I knew it was important, and I knew it was my choice.

At some point I must've stopped taking notice of my surroundings, because when I looked up again, it was to stop myself from walking into a tree. I stared out at them all before me, so big, so strong, so old. I thought maybe that was the secret to living a long life—never doing anything but standing by your peers and watching the world go by, forever alone in a crowd.

I found my way to the bike path that would take me to the shore. I watched as my footsteps left imprints in the dirt, as if to make sure the world would remember that I was here. They felt the same as the still-broken railing on the bridge not far above, though I knew the footprints would be washed away in a way that the bridge never could be.

When the tips of my shoes touched the sand, I stopped. I shrugged off my backpack, dropping it onto the slab of concrete that stuck out into the lake. And then I followed.

My hands traced over the ever-changing scribbles of graffiti riddling the concrete. The harsh texture of it scraped my hands, but it felt good. It felt real. It reminded me that I was real, that this place was real. That all of it...was real.

I laid back for a while, staring up at leaves clouding my vision from the sky directly above. My eyelids drifted down, closing themselves. Everything became surreal. It was like I was there but not at the same time. I could feel the stones digging into my back, and the grains of sand tickling my fingers. I could hear the birds in the trees, so free, and the occasional car pass over the bridge or on the street nearby. I could taste the waffles I'd had for breakfast that morning and the lingering hint of mint from my toothpaste. I could smell the distinct smell of the lake before me, what with the dead fish and the dead souls that belonged to it. I could smell my own fear.

I don't know how long I laid there, but when my eyes opened again, it was significantly darker outside. I got to work quickly, opening my backpack and pulling something out.

My feet made there way underneath me and I continued my walk forward. I did it slowly, so I could feel the water as it seeped into my shoes and them my socks. It reached my calves and then my knees. It was soaking through my jeans, tugging them down into the dark chasm below the surface. When it reached my stomach, I leaned back, letting myself fall.

I felt the water rush into my ears, blocking all noise from the outside world. I could hear it, the odd pulsing of the lake around me. I imagined this was the last thing Sam heard.

My eyes shut once again.

I opened my left palm to the water, while my right hand remained closed tight.

I held my breath, because I wanted that experience, too.

And then there I was, floating in the lake that had claimed my best friend for its own. I was sprawled there on the surface, arms out wide, legs spread. I surrendered myself to the water.

The tears didn't take long to come. They rolled out of my closed eyes, falling down my cheeks, creating a small stream into the lake that surrounded me.

My right hand opened, letting go of the dying sunflower that had been laying in it. I felt it leave my hand, carried away by the slowly moving superficial layer of water, pushed by disjointed gusts of cool wind.

Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, my breath escaped my lungs. And when I went to breathe in again, the rock was gone.

A/N: Whelp, there it is folks. That's the end. I promised I would finish this story no matter how long it took me and here I am. You guys have been such wonderful readers, so supportive, and I really couldn't have asked for anyone better to read my story.

I will soon start editing this. Hopefully it won't be anything too major, but we'll see how I feel when I start.

Once again, I just want to thank you guys for being so great. I know it sounds stupid and cheesy, but I really do love and appreciate you all. Please stay your amazing selves, for your sakes and for the people around you whose worlds wouldn't be the same without you. Never forget your amazing-ness.

Thank you.