H2O | ✔

Chapter Twenty-Six : As Long as It Makes Me Happy...Right?

"I don't even know myself

I wish I could be someone else"

Sam

40 weeks before Mesi woke up...

I walked through the halls, high-fiving random people and fake laughing, like that scene from a D-rated high school romance movie where they introduce the male lead that's oh-so hot and fabulous. Only problem being my life was so not a D-rated high school romance movie, as much as I wished it was. Life wasn't bad—I made varsity two years in a row, people liked me all right, and I had an amazingly gorgeous, smart girlfriend who stuck with me for some reason. But lately, everything felt like it was slipping. Like I was falling over the edge of a cliff, clawing for some purchase to grab on to so I wouldn't fall into the dark abyss that beckoned me below. I knew if I entered it, I'd never be able to leave.

I took a deep breath, pushing away all the depressing thoughts that constantly permeated my mind and letting a real grin fall onto my lips. I had a good life, I reminded myself. I was lucky to be where I was, have the friends and family and girlfriend I had. I might have needed to get back on track with school a bit, but that was nothing I couldn't handle. I was seeing Grace, my therapist, once a week and we were making progress...sort of. I wasn't really sure what most of the talking did to help, but it felt good to let some stuff out. Other stuff I still wasn't ready to talk about—and then there were the things I didn't even know about myself. Those were the worst, they tormented me in their own, unique way. They hurt worse than the rest of it all, always there and nagging, and I never knew what they were from. It was like a dark cloud popped into my head at some point, out of nowhere.

I took a right turn, walking up to my locker and putting in the code so familiar I barely had to look down to get it right. The metal door creaked as I opened it, a couple worksheets fluttering out from being aimlessly shoved on the top shelf when I needed to leave in a hurry. I pulled out my Chemistry 101 textbook, my backpack falling farther down my back as I plopped it inside.

"Sam!" someone said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Jake smirking at me. He leaned against the lockers next to mine, arms folded and scanning the halls for some girl's ass to latch on to.

I snapped my fingers in his face after I closed and locked my locker once again, attempting to get his attention. And I did. He jumped up, quickly trying to mask his surprise. "What the hell?" he raised his voice a little, but I could tell he wasn't actually mad.

I shrugged. "If you stop looking at girls' rear ends, maybe you'd actually get to touch one. I mean, without getting slapped." He scowled at me, but I laughed. Jake needed to learn to respect girls more. He wasn't a bad guy by any means, but he had his faults when it came to the female species.

We headed towards the locker rooms, Xander joining us at some point. "Ready for a good game?" he asked.

"We're ready to pummel them, General. Or should I say Captain?" I dropped my backpack in my sports locker, taking out the duffel that held my uniform, ball, and cleats. We all started stripping, pulling shirts over heads and then slipping jerseys on in their place.

Xander shook his head and rolled his eyes. He pulled on the red and white striped band that let everyone know who the captain was, as he did every game. I knew it meant a lot to him—being captain. I was happy for him, being captain as a sophomore and all. That was amazing, ground-breaking. But at times, I was more jealous than I was a good friend to him. And what with my current state, I could feel that ugly feeling creep in, envious of his togetherness. Xander was exactly who I'd always wanted to be, but never managed to become.