H2O | ✔

Chapter Twenty-Two : Letting It All Out

"So let it out,

Let it out, now."

Sam

42 weeks before Mesi woke up...

I looked down at the paper on my desk. It was the last math test we'd taken, and I was feeling pretty good about it. I knew how to do a lot of the problems, and only skipped one. For once, I thought I'd actually get a good score. I'd been looking forward to getting this test back since we took it, knowing it'd make my day.

But when my eyes laid on the grade at the top, I could physically feel my heart fall into my stomach. Bile rose in my throat as I quickly flipped the test over so no one else could see and tried to contain my emotions.

I got a "D". A "D"! How was that even possible? I knew I should look the test over and ask my teacher any questions I had, but my pride refused to let me. I couldn't risk someone seeing how bad my grade was, how horribly I'd failed.

All around me, people were high-fiving, smiling and congratulating each other. Ms. Snyder stood at the front of the class and clapped her hands together. "All right, all right! I know you're all very excited about your grades. It was one of the highest-scoring tests we've had all year, so there won't be a curve on this one." Great. "Good job, everyone."

Jake turned to me, leaned my way over the gap between our desks, and said quietly,"What did you get?"

I couldn't see his paper—his arm was covering the grade—so I said,"Oh, um, you know, an 'A'."

Jake's face fell a little before he plastered a smile on. "Awe, man! I got a 'C'. Maybe I'll ask you to help me study for the next one, huh?"

I gave him a tight smile as the bell rang. As quickly as possible, I grabbed my things and dashed out the door. I went straight for the bathroom, not caring if I was late getting home. I ran into the stall farthest from the door, and locked it closed. Sinking to the floor, my head fell into my hands and my knees pulled up to my chest. I gulped for air, but found there was none left for me. The rest of the world seemed to have used it up already. I was out of luck. Panting and heaving, I let my nails dig into the palm of my hand—my way of breaking myself out of the stupor I could sometimes fall into. I had to hold it together, at least until I got home. I couldn't leave with tear stains and puffy eyes. Xander would worry about me, and probably tell Mesi, and then she would worry about me too. I didn't want anyone worrying about me.

So I managed to stand up, take a deep breath, and leave the bathroom.

"Sunshine! What's up?" Xander asked, clapping a hand on my shoulder as soon as I appeared in the hallway. He looked me up and down, and his eyes narrowed. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. I guess trying to hold it together didn't work. I was still transparent. "Nothing, General. I'm just tired." My go-to excuse for whenever I felt down. Everyone felt tired, so no one would doubt me.

I forced a smile onto my face. I'd never felt like I was wearing a mask more.

Xander's hand fell from my shoulder. "All right. But if you want to talk, just...let me know. I'm here for you."

We stood in silence for a second, neither of us sure what to say or do. Finally, the odd atmosphere was broken when Cate walked over. "Hey Dimples!"

I looked down at the petite redhead holding about three books to her chest. Her freckles stood out on her pale skin and her bright blue eyes looked like huge raindrops turned on their sides.

"How's life, Cate?" I asked, ruffling her hair a bit. She glared at me and fixed her crazy curls. "It's fine. You?"

I chuckled,"I'm okay." I. Was. Not. Okay. I was freaking out inside. All I wanted to do was go home and not talk to anybody for, like, a million years.

Xander was leaning against the lockers, looking utterly uninterested in our conversation. "Xander, what about you?" Cate asked.

"Huh?" His expression was that of someone who'd just woken from a long nap, dazed and confused.

Cate sighed dramatically, to make it clear that she thought he was an idiot. "I asked how you're doing."

"Oh. Um, I'm cool." He went back to whatever thoughts he'd been having before Cate interrupted him, not caring if either of us thought it was rude. Typical Xander.

I nudged him. "Well, I've got to go." Shit, what do I say I have to do? "I'm supposed to help my mom cook dinner."

Cate gave me a weird look. "Sam, it's like, 3 o'clock."

I laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of my neck as I realized my mistake. "I know, but she wants me to pick up the ingredients from the grocery store before she gets home, and who knows how long that'll take?"

"Okay. See you at practice later?" Xander asked, finally looking up from his feet.

I nodded, and started walking away as quickly as possible.

...

When I closed the back door behind me, I fell to my knees against it, the tears already falling. I knew that one bad test grade wasn't that bad...but it wasn't just that test. I'd been doing so horribly in school that year. There were so many days that everything just felt...pointless. Useless. There were days when I just couldn't bring myself to put a pen to paper. There were days that I was so confused and frustrated that I pushed my thoughts away by watching TV or surfing the internet instead of doing my work. It was terrible, I knew it, but I didn't know how to get out of that miserable cycle.

I screamed into the empty house, letting it all out. Yelling, groaning, pulling at my hair, I cried. I kicked the bench in front of me, I banged my head against the door, I begged for some reason I was like this. Why do I have to be so stupid? Why can't I just get it together? Why can't I go back to the way I used to be? I wondered aloud.

I was bent over in sobs when my phone buzzed.

SNAPCHAT:

Mesi <3

The screen fell dark again seconds later, and I ignored the notification. I didn't feel like talking to anyone, seeing anyone, putting up another facade. I didn't have the energy.

I'm not really sure how long I sat there, with my back against the wall and arms encompassing my legs against my chest, but I got up when Mesi texted me. It was a reminder that I had things to do, a practice to go to, and more homework to get done if I didn't want to continue feeling like that.

Venturing up to my room, I slipped into shorts and a tee, grabbed my soccer bag, and once again left the house.

At practice, Xander greeted me with a salute and a smile, which I returned. But once I got closer and he got a good look at me, he got up from his place on the bench surrounded by Jake and Gabe and Alex, and pulled me aside.

"Sam, you don't look so good. Were you crying?" His eyes were full of concern. Concern that made me feel guilty. I was worrying my best friend that already had so many things to worry about—so many more important things than me having a small cry-fest.

I forced my eyes to lighted a bit with a grin. "I'm fine, really. We were cooking with onions." Good, good. Nice cover-up.

Xander eyed me skeptically, but said,"Okay, if you say so..."

I punched him in the shoulder lightly. "I do. Now, let's get this practice started, Cap'n!"

A/N: I got a chapter out on time! While it may not be very well edited...like, at all...it's here for you! So I hope you guys enjoy. Thank you so much for being such amazing readers and...yeah...like I said before, I hope you like it. Sorry, I'm pretty tired XP. Keep being amazing, and I'll see you with my next chapter on Monday (let's hope I make three chapters in a row on time *fingers crossed*).

Oh! And the song up there it "Let It Out" by Ed Sheeran. Thought it was fitting.

And I'll dedicate the next chapter to anyone who gets this: Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Xiu Min