If I'm Louder; A Harry Styles fanfic

chapter 47

Harry and I came to the field the day before he auditioned for the x-factor. It was a place of sacred ground to us I suppose you could say. The field was a place where we could be ourselves without anyone else intruding in on us. It was the one place that Harry and I swore we would always be honest with each other when we came here. It happened to be the place that I first started falling for Harry at. 

We climb out of the car, making our way to the grass. Harry lays a blanket out then lays down on it. I lay beside him staring up at the sky. “What’s on your mind?” I ask. “Do you really want to know?” he asks. “We did promise to be honest here so yes I do.” I say to him. “There’s a lot on my mind right now BriBri.” he says. He hasn’t called me that in years, it still gives me tingles when he calls me by my nickname.

“Like what?” i ask. “Like you and how bad I screwed up by losing you.” he says pulling out some grass and playing with it. “Harry, you didn’t lose me.” I say to him. “I’m still here.” I add. “Let me be completely honest with you right now Brianna. I am extremely happy for you and Louis getting married, but then I’m not. He shouldn’t be the one you are marrying, I should. But i screwed things up those few years back and now he is the one who makes you happy. I respect that but I want to be the only man who makes you happy.” Harry tells me sincerely.

“That time that we talked on Skype, right before I went into the hospital a few years back, I wasn’t drunk and I meant every single word I said that night. I can’t believe that I was so stupid and let you go.” He says shaking his head. It made me want to cry now that he is telling me this after I had gotten engaged to Louis.

“Why didn’t you just tell me you meant it when I came to see you in the hospital?” I ask quietly. “Because I wanted to give you the chance to be happy with someone who could actually make you happy. Louis was the first guy to make you happy and now he’s going to be the last.” he explains. “Do you know how much I wanted to be the first and last guy to make you happy Brianna?” he asks quietly.

“You were the first Harry.” I tell him quietly. “But not the last.” he adds. “I am so sorry for all the heartache I put you through when we were together. You deserved so much more, and you got it. Louis is a great guy. I can tell he really loves you Brianna, really, I’m happy for you both.” Harry tells me. I sit there quietly, not knowing what to say.

*

We went back to Anne’s house and Harry decided to take Darcy back to his flat. I stayed to chat with Anne for a bit. “Anne?” i start. “Yes dear?” she says as we sit down. “What do you do when you love someone so much, but you also love another person and don’t want to hurt either one?” I ask.

“Listen to what your heart is saying to you. Take a day to yourself and sit down to clear your head of everything. The right answer will come to you. When that happens and you choose which ever boy you pick the other will be upset that they weren’t picked, but they will be happy if you are happy. They both love you Brianna, I can see that clear as day. Which ever one you choose will be a great choice. Keep your heart and Darcy in mind when you make your choice.” she explains to me.