If I'm Louder; A Harry Styles fanfic

chapter 39

A few hours after I saw the magazine Harry calls. I had just laid Darcy down for a nap when the phone rang. “Hello?” I mumble in the phone. “Hey babe.” Harry says cheerfully in the phone. “Don’t even.” I say angrily. “Oh.” He says into the phone. “How’d you find out?” He asks bluntly.

“Hmm I don’t know. Maybe I found out from one of your fans while I was at OUR daughter’s 6 month check up. Or maybe I found out from the millions of magazines plastered with you and that girl sucking each others face off. Or maybe I found out from Twitter when your fans can’t stop tweeting about it.” I suggest.

He sits there silently for a few minutes. “Got anything to say for yourself this time Harry?” I ask angrily. “I was lonely.” He says quietly. “So am I Harry! But I am not going out kissing random girls.” I reply. “Louis.” He mumbles. “Louis? That was fucking two months ago and you said you forgave me for that!” I raise my voice an octive higher.

“I’m sorry Bri. I promise this won’t happen again. I love you too much to do that to you.” He pleads. “I love you too but not when this stuff happens.” I say a bit calmer. “Can we please work this out?” He asks quietly.

“When are coming home again?” I ask quietly. “Monday” he says. “We’ll talk about this then.” I tell him. “Please Bri. I love you.” He says. “I gotta go feed Darcy.” I say hanging up the phone.

As soon as the phone clicks off the tears rain down my cheeks. I huddle up on my couch, crying myself to sleep. Harry would be here the day after tomorrow. Great.

*

Darcy was sleeping on my chest while I watch 50 First Dates. I hear the front door creak open, knowing that Harry gwen just made it home from the tour. “Bri? You home?” He calls. “shhhh!” I hush as he walks into the room. His lips form into an “o” when he sees Darcy snoozing in my arms.

Harry tiptoes over to us, leaning down and pressing his lips to Darcy’s forehead. He leans into kiss me, but before his lips contact mine, my hand pushes his face away. He looks at me with rejected eyes. “Niall offered to sit with Darcy if you wanted to go upstairs and talk.” He says kneeling beside me.

I nod as Niall walks into the room. I hand Darcy to him. She stirs a bit but falls back asleep when he sits down. Harry leads the way upstairs, sitting down on the bed. I sit beside him, not saying a word.

“The whole time I was kissing her I kept thinking that it needed to stop. But it wouldn’t.” He says. “Why didn’t you stop?” I murmur. “i don’t know.” He says shamefully. “honestly harry I don’t know what to do.” I say looking at him. He nods. “i get what you are saying.”

“i want to be with you, but if you don’t feel the same way anymore I totally understand.” He says to me. “its not that I don’t want to be with you, because I do harry, I will always want to be with you. But I can’t, I mean we can’t keep doing this harry. It’s literally ripping us apart.” I explain.

“i can’t keep worrying about you maybe being with random girls while I’m not there.” I tell him honestly. “i promise that it won’t happen again.” He says. I could tell he was being honest. He takes my hand in his. Slowly interweaving our fingers together. “The spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly.” He whispers, stroking the top of my hand with his thumb.

Tentatively I lay my head on his shoulder. His head rests on top of mine. “i don’t want to keep fighting like this.” I whisper. “its my fault that we fight like this.” He says. “its both our faults.” I tell him.

“i miss how things were easy when we were best friends only.” I say suddenly. He nods. “but I would never give up Darcy just to go back to that.” I add. “she’s one of the best things that’s ever happened to us.” He says with a smile. I nod agreeing with him, Darcy and him were the best things in my life.

“i wonder what we would be doing right now if that night would have never happened?” I say referring back to the first night Harry admitted to having more that just friendship feelings for me. “We would probably be at your flat downstairs, cuddled up with a massive bowl of popcorn, Watching a movie like we use to before we started dating.” He says. “i wish things would go back to normal, with the exception of Darcy.” He says with a sigh.

“Nothing will be normal if you are a international popstar.” I say with a smile. “You got a point there.” he says grinning. “But like Darcy, i wouldn’t change what i do for the whole world.” he explains. We sit in silence for a few minutes, letting ourselves think for once. 

“Let’s go downstairs. Send Niall home. Make a massive bowl of popcorn and watch some movies like we use to do.” I suggest with a smile. “I like the way you think.” he says placing a kiss on my cheek. “Let’s just try to get things back to how they were before all this. I just want to forget it all happened.” I say to him. He nods agreeingly as he takes my hand and leads me downstairs.