Identical Memories (An OHSHC Fanfic) [Completed]

Chapter Thirty

P.S. The video fits one of the host club members reactions to this chapter, but it doesn't suit the chapte itself. So... yeah. 

Eri

I didn't want to go to breakfast.

With my entire being, I wanted to bury myself beneath my blankets. I wanted to hide away from everyone, with perhaps the exception of Emi, for just a bit longer. My chest felt as if a weight of the world had been dropped upon it, and each breath I took was a struggle. From the moment I opened my eyes, I knew what was going to happen.

By the end of the day, I'd be in the hospital. The change was so quick, so drastic from the day before that I couldn't hide from it.

There was no rule against trying, though.

I struggled out from beneath my heavy blankets, blinking slowly as the world seemed to swim before my tired eyes. Despite having collapsed into my bed the moment Emi left my room, I felt as if only a number of seconds had passed. Exhaustion weighed on my body, but still I forced myself to my feet and stumbled through getting ready for the day. It wasn't until I stood, back against the bathroom counter, brushing my teeth that I caught sight of yet another worrying sign. The tips of my fingers, my nails in particular, had a faint purplish hue to them.

Purple... that means... I struggled to sift through my sluggish thoughts for the connection as I slowly turned to face the mirror. Pulling the toothbrush away from my mouth, I examined my lips, before curling them into a frown. As I thought-- there was the faintest, purplish hue to the skin.

Cyanosis. That means... there isn't enough oxygen in my blood.

That explained why it was so hard to think, let alone breathe. My toothbrush dropped to the sink, forgotten, and I curled my hands around the edge of the counter. It took all I had to keep standing as a sudden wave of fear swept through me. I didn't want this. I wanted to walk down the stairs, smile at Emi, and be pissy towards our dad. I wanted... ha. I really needed to quit thinking like that. I could want anything, and everything in the world, but it wouldn't change what was happening. I was sick-- exactly what I couldn't afford to be.

Where had my earlier peace gone? When I'd first realized my cancer had come back, I'd come to terms with it. I'd abandoned hope, and accepted death. Now... why was I so scared? Why couldn't I give a bittersweet smile to the mirror and move on? What had changed?

I needed to be strong. Emi was going to be scared... no, terrified when she realized what was going on. She needed me to be able to smile. It was barely anything, but if I could offer her even the faintest bit of strength to face the oncoming storm... I'd been okay with that. I was so, so tired of hurting her. I knew the best think I could do for her was to face everything head-on, and show that I. Wasn't. Scared.

So why was I shaking?

My vision blurred. I released one hand from the counter, using my palm to scrub at useless tears. Stupid. So, so stupid.

Smile.

A choked sob burst from my lips, and I once again found myself squatting in front of a bathroom sink. I kept one hand clinging to the counter, mentally urging myself to get up. I couldn't be this pathetic. It wasn't me. I was Hano Eri, self-professed a-okay with dying.

My body shook with the force of suppressed sobs, which turned into chest aching coughs.

I couldn't breathe.