fragile ∾ pjm + myg

chapter four

Taehyung swallowed down a sob before speaking again, "Please talk to me, Chim. I just want to help you, it's killing me seeing you like this, and I can't stay quiet about it anymore so please don't shut me out," he begged, tears threatening to fall and run down his cheeks. Jimin would be crying if he had any more tears left to, but apparently he had already cried himself dry earlier that day for God knows what reason, because sometimes Jimin did just that. He just cried and cried until there were no more tears left in his system because he had cried them all without a reason; nowadays he didn't need one. Now, these sudden bursts of crying were random and appearing even more, and he could do nothing to stop it no matter how much he tried to, his mind and body wouldn't work as he wished. The boy finally managed to force himself to look at Taehyung again, his best friend, his platonic soulmate, one of the most important people in his whole life that was now looking at him like Jimin had cut him while doing it to himself. If his heart had any more pieces to break, it just did, so he just pulled the younger to him, dragging him into a suffocating hug that they both needed, whispering broken "I'm sorry's" over and over again on Taehyung's ear, even as he felt tears staining his shirt as much as they were staining the beautiful face of his best friend.

After Taehyung managed to calm down a little and they had settled on the bed, cuddling like they used to do so many times in the past, Taehyung was the first to break the silence that had fallen upon them, voice even deeper than usually, "Does anyone know?" Jimin just hummed weakly at that, not denying it but far from confirming it too, leaving Taehyung to his own assumptions, which he found out not longer than a few seconds after, "Does Yoongi hyung know?" if the sudden ragged breath Jimin took wasn't an answer enough, the way he stiffened under Taehyung's embrace certainly was. Were they that obvious? If Taehyung had noticed, certainly the others did too, and fear suddenly started creeping into Jimin's chest, making it hard to breath. They couldn't find out, they just couldn't; it was already bad enough with Yoongi hyung knowing and keeping an eye on him all the time – Taehyung just suddenly came to make it all even messier but he could handle those two. But he couldn't even fathom the idea of the other's knowing.

Oh God they would hate him, they would hate him so much, he could almost picture the hateful and disappointed looks in their eyes. They couldn't find out, and they wouldn't, he was gonna make sure of it. Jimin could feel even more tears welling up in his closed eyes but he refused to let them fall, so he shut them tight, trying to keep his mind tamed. Letting Taehyung and Yoongi know had already been a mistake, and he wasn't about to make another, not anymore. He was done making mistakes, he was done trying to be something he would never be, trying to be good enough for once in his fucking life. Wasn't good enough of a dancer, of a singer, of a bandmate, of an idol, of a fucking human being; so why did he still bother, he asked himself. Why did he still put himself through hell every single day? Because they loved him , it's what he already knew, but needed to keep reminding himself. He loved his fans, he loved his family and he loved his members just like he knew they loved him too, even if he couldn't even begin to imagine why .

So for tonight he just closed his eyes and pressed further into the heat Taehyung's body was providing him and let himself fall asleep to the slow and deep breaths of his best friend, hoping the next day wouldn't give him another – unpleasant – surprise.

⍉

Today is a good day , Jimin noticed when he woke up the morning after.

He had suddenly remember that today was a day-off of their busy schedules and a warm feeling grew in his chest at the prospect of spending some quality time with his friends without the running around they had to do every single day. So he got up, quietly detaching himself from Taehyung who had apparently not gone back to his room after they had both fallen asleep the afternoon before, a mess of limbs on Jimin's single bed; a quick glance to the other side of the room showed Jimin that Hoseok was still sound asleep, so he quickly exited the room, making his way to the kitchen. Based on the little to none light outside of the living room window it was probably still really early for any of the members to be up yet, but Jimin was feeling energetic, mind set on preparing a big breakfast to everyone; who knew, he might even end up joining too – last time he ate was what, two days ago? The thing is, he didn't expect seeing Yoongi sitting on one of the stools, chin propped up on his hand, eyes closed and soft snores coming out of his slightly parted lips; a lonely glass of water forgotten on the counter.

His heart softened at that and his smile grew a bit more, carefully tiptoeing to his hyung so he could wake him up and get him into an actual bed and not the kitchen counter, for God's sake. Even though he was gentle, Yoongi still jumped when Jimin shook him gently, eyes completely unfocused and lips already releasing a grunt from the stiff muscles on his neck and wrist; even so, Jimin smiled apologetically to him.

"Go to bed, hyung, you need to sleep." Jimin's voice was barely louder than a whisper, fear of waking up the others stopping him from speaking louder. The elder looked at him, eyes slowly loosening the blurry shade it had and becoming focused on Jimin's small form, making Yoongi blink at him a few times before asking him why was he awake in the same tone Jimin had used, only that his voice was huskier from disuse. Jimin only beamed at him, throwing the older boy back a little, "Oh, I just woke up and thought about making a big breakfast for everyone since it's our day off," he frowned a little when he noticed the dark bags under Yoongi's eyes, "But you should really sleep, hyung, in a bed this time, may I add."

"Hmm, right, right, I will," the elder slowly moved, getting down from the stool and circling Jimin before he stopped, a hand grabbing the younger's wrist gently, "Come with me? It's too early, everyone will probably sleep in, you can work on that breakfast later on," Jimin was already opening his mouth to protest when Yoongi cut him off, already pulling his wrist to the direction of his room, which was the one closest to the kitchen area, "Nu-uh, no excuses, c'mon, I'm feeling lonely today and I want somebody to hold."

A little taken aback by the elder's words, Jimin just blinked at him, letting himself get almost carried to Yoongi's room. The older boy was known for shying away from affection, so for him to admit something like that it was obvious that Jimin would take some time to realize what his words meant, which Yoongi was already using in his own favour when he climbed up the bed and pulled the small boy with him, both settling under the covers, trying to be as quiet as possible to not to wake Jin who was sleeping gracefully on the other side of the room. Jimin, somehow – don't ask him how it happened –, ended up with his back towards Yoongi's chest, the elder's hands tight on his torso, hot breath hitting his nape. Yeah, Jimin could totally fall asleep again right now, but something was still bugging him.

"Is everything alright, Yoongi hyung?" he whispered, lower than before, voice barely being heard on the quietness of the shared room; Yoongi's hand started tracing light circles on his waist, humming softly at Jimin's question, probably already slowly falling asleep again now that his body was totally comfortable it seemed.

"Just missed ya," the elder's voice was slurred and thick with sleep and exhaustion; he had probably been in the studio up till now, Jimin realized, and scolded himself for keeping his hyung awake when he obviously needed the rest. He could deal with this tomorrow, now he was just going to let him slip away from his conscious state and endless worries; a peaceful slumber, Jimin hoped. So he whispered low good night, which Yoongi was apparently still awake to answer with a "Good night, Minnie."

The thing is, his brain refused to shut off; he had probably already slept something close to maybe ten hours if it was around five am right now. He remembered Taehyung showing up along six pm, which gave him almost eleven hours of sleep, the most he ever had gotten since he was a fucking infant, probably. He was still tired, body sore in some spots after dance practice yesterday morning, stomach grumbling constantly with the need of food and nutrients; but his mind was buzzing with sudden energy, the electric flow moving inside his veins. Even so, he still couldn't find it in himself to detangle his body from the sleeping boy behind him, the thought of Yoongi's disappointment of waking up without him keeping him on his place.

So he counted; the beats of Yoongi's heart against his spine, the breaths that came out of his thin but pretty lips, the amount of failed painting in the walls. Jimin counted and counted until he felt like he could pass out if any more numbers popped up on his brain, so he shut off; closing his eyes and waiting for that comfortable darkness engulf him again.