My Unexpected Savior.

Chapter 10

Big green trees were surrounding us in the dark forest of night. The fresh air imitating the feeling of freedom. For once in my life, I felt like I could be myself. I could be free from judgement, free from being beaten, free from myself. For once in a extremely long time, I didn't feel like cutting. I felt comfortable with the razor away from me. Well, not in my hand at least. I did bring it with me, for comfort, but thinking about the future I'm trying to start, maybe I'll start trying to become clean. That's my goal to accomplish in life; become clean. But with all of the horrid memories about my drunken parents, I don't know if that'll ever happen. They have literally ruined my life in the worst possible way that they could have. They have made me scared of ever loving again. Yes, I did love my parents at a time, but when I lost my grandpa, I lost myself. My grandpa was the only person I have ever loved, and he's gone now. The one thing I ever loved, I lost. I guess that's why I'm so afraid to reach out to somebody now. I'm scared that one day, I'll lose them and be left with nobody once again. As much as I want to reach out to somebody, nobody has really offered. Except Zeke. Zeke.. My mind wondered off into a deep and thoughtful realm. Zeke reached out, wanting to help me, and I didn't do anything about it. I could have very easily gotten help, been clean, have someone who actually cared about me, but I blew it. I blew the one chance that I had of somebody loving me for who I am, the way my grandpa loved me.

"Where do we go now?" Rosemary's innocent voice brought me to my reality. The reality of the terrifying forest that we were about to call home for awhile.   

Looking around, there was not a house in sight. No lights, no cars, no people. "Well, um, I guess we'll just keep walking for now." I replied. "We need to get as far as we can possibly get for now." 

She just silently nodded and we continued walking. Step by step it got darker and colder. Eventually it was close to midnight. 

Mom and Dad must know we're gone by now. I can't imagine how angry they are. I'm not sure I really want to either.

***

"Em?" Rosemary's little, tired voice called my name as she let go of my hand. "I'm tired." 

"Me too. Let's stop here and go to sleep." 

She nodded and sat down on the hard ground. I pulled a small blanket out of my bag for her and laid on the cold ground, letting her huddle up against me, making her feel secure. 

Rose was fast asleep in no time. Her tiny hand holding onto mine as tight as possible. She was so scared, I could see it in her face. Even as she was sleeping she was still on edge. I cringed as I realized she lives in a constant fear of being beaten. There were bruises all over her arms and legs, and one large one on the back of her neck. The blue and black making it rather obvious of how hard she was hit. I pulled my sleeve up, looking at the sadness of my bruises and cuts mixing together to make a sad art piece on my arm. If you looked at my arm, you would clearly recognize my story as a beautiful tragedy, but it's nowhere near beautiful at all. In Fact, I despise when people say a sad story is "beautiful". My arms are nowhere near beautiful, its sad. It's sad that I would think so low of myself to harm myself like this. It's sad that my life is bad enough to where I think cutting is the answer. Its sad, not beautiful. But people can't seem to realize that. 

I sighed as I got a sudden urge to cut.I started biting my lip to satisfy my crave for pain but it wasn't working like it normally does in school. I wanted my blade in my hands. I wanted to feel the panic rush out of my with my blood. I wanted to relieve the pain of my past. I need my razor. No you don't. The voice in my head tried to remind me. You're trying to stay clean, remember? I can't. It's all too painful. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for Rosemary. Imagine how devastated she would be if she woke up to see you hurting yourself all over your arm. The more I thought about Rosemary seeing me cut myself made me rethink it. Maybe I can make it through.