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there's this
feeling
when i'm
alone
it's like
i'm not sad
yet
i'm not happy
because
nothing's wrong
but
nothing's right either
i'm just
kind of
there
it's kind of
hard
to explain
it's like
i can feel
the life
coursing through my veins
and even though
i am alone
and
invisible
and even though
there is no one
else to
witness
i know
i am alive
i know
i'm still there
i know
i'm breathing
and living
i can hear
my own heartbeat
i know
i am still
flesh and blood
but i feel like
a mix of
fire and ice
and it's all
so
terrible
and
beautiful
and
destructive
and
distracting
and
calming
and
complicated
there's no one word
to describe it
the only way
i can think
to put it is
i'm a
happy
kind of
blue


11/8/17

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