Healing Gabriel (BoyxBoy)

✠ Chapter Thirteen ✠

        Now that I think about it, I wanted a new everything. A new body. A new personality. A new talent. A new look at life. A new mind. A new past.

         "What are you doing?"

        The voice made me spring up from my spot on the floor, scanning the entire room with my eyes. No one was in at but me. No surprise; I was the one who had spoken. It was towards my peacock eel, Jerry. He was hitting his head against the glass of his tank, towards where the fish items were on a side table next to the tank. He must be hungry.

        My fish and I had a bond. I know it sounded extremely weird, but it was true. We kind of picked up on each other's feelings. They know when I'm happy, depressed, annoyed, and I know when they're bored, hungry, and ecstatic. Jerry was my all-time favorite of the tank, though, because he seemed to . . . somehow . . . understand me. It sounds crazy, I know, I should just go and do fittings for my personal straight jacket now. But it was true. He acted almost human.

         "You already ate today," I said, standing up and making my way to the purple-glowing tank. Jerry didn't bother to respond; he knew I would feed him anyways. Jeez, I wish I had an appetite like him.

        I didn't starve myself on purpose. It wasn't like I had an eating disorder or anything, either. I just . . . things in my mouth. I can't deal with the feelings of things in my mouth. I was hospitalized a lot because of my non-eating habits, and it was one of the many reasons I was forced to go into a mental ward for a bit. Everyone thought I was anorexic. Yeah, it was incredibly embarrassing, but it also hurt how my parents didn't believe me when I said I couldn't eat. I never said I wouldn't eat, I said I couldn't. Which meant I was incapable of providing myself with the nutrients I needed for a healthy lifestyle.

       Nevertheless, I think if I ever had to see another IV needle again, I'd probably die.

       Retrieving the container of bloodworms for Jerry, I removed the lid, then made a repulsive face at the worms. Eww. How could he enjoy those? They were so gross. And they weren't even cute looking.

      Taking out one of the worms, I closed the container and dipped my hand into the fish tank. The fish repelled from my hand, none of them moving to attack it. I let my arm go into the water just a tiny bit after my elbow. Jerry didn't like to swim in the higher part of the tank; he preferred the bottom. I wasn't going to pressure him into anything, or bribe him with the worm, so I made the trip to the bottom just for him.

      He began to eat from my hand, taking quick nibbles of the worm. The other fish kept about four or five centimeters away from my hand.

      What did I tell you? I have a bond with them.

      I leaned against the tank about, thinking about how pretty this must look; someone hand-feeding a peacock eel. I felt the urge to pick up a paintbrush and paint, already thinking about the ways I could transfer this to paper . . .

       I needed a hand model. I know! I could ask Evan; he'd for sure help me--

      Oh. That's right. I wasn't going to get starstruck by him any longer.

      Maybe you might be thinking, "Hey, Gabe. Isn't Evan your rock? If you're ignoring him like this, aren't those really bad memories coming back like before?"

      The answer is no.

      Luckily I have gained a friend this time. Alana. We talk to each other a lot. Very, very little about the past, and when we do, it's only about small things. Like what colors we saw. Shapes. Nothing that goes into too much detail. I learned that Alana isn't as perfect and all better as I thought she would be. She was afraid of men who resembled him. She had more nightmares than dreams. She was afraid of the dark.