Chapter 52 (G)

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There's something about getting kissed by a particular person that can almost drive you insane. Maybe it's the way they hold your face like it's the only thing keeping their feet on the earth, or how they wrap their arms around your body while pressing themselves against you as if they were trying to mold themselves into your very being. Maybe it's just something about another pair of lips touching against your own, softer than the fallen feathers of a dove yet just as frenetic as the peaceful creature's frantic cooing.

Whatever it was, it was good. So good that I found myself clutching tighter against the curve of Evan's biceps while he walked me backwards through his room, one hand on my jaw and the other on my hip. This was what we wanted--what I wanted.

"You want this?" Evan murmured against my ear before trailing kisses down my neck. There was something in his voice that told me to say yes, I had to say yes, so I nodded my head. His hands tightened against my hips and his teeth dragged downwards against the side of my neck. "Say it, say you want this."

"I want this," I breathed, my voice shaky with nerves--good or bad, I didn't know.

There was a quick transition from standing upright to my knees hitting the back of his bed as I fell against it. I pushed myself up and scooted backwards up the bed. Evan followed me, his lips unrelenting against my own as he crawled above me. The skin covering his jaw was soft enough to prevent my fingertips from slicing themselves against the sharpness of his jawline.

Everything began to escalate quickly once we were settled on his bed, my back pressed against the headboard, knees bent and pressing tightly against Evan's sides. There was enough space between my thighs for him to have fit between them as he grew more and more desperate for my touch.

I didn't know how how to react when I felt his fingers sneak beneath my shirt and grab roughly against the skin on my sides. I jumped from the sudden action, unsure if I was supposed to feel more fear than good that the invasive action caused. "Evan--" I whimpered unsurely against his parted lips, my voice muffled and breathless, but he shook his head and raised his hand higher so that it slipped up my chest. I cut myself off with a gasp.

"Shh, you want this, remember? You want this. You want me. You love me, remember? And I love you. This is okay."

I nodded my head dubiously, trying to force myself into relaxing against him. He was right; I wanted this. I loved him. What we were doing--what we were about to do--it was okay because we loved each other.

I closed my eyes as his palm rubbed against my chest, his mouth swallowing the yelp I made as his fingers squeezed my right nipple roughly. "Evan--" I whispered again, my voice shaking as I attempted to tell him to slow down, but he shut me up with a kiss much more forceful than before.

"Your pants keep getting in the way, I'm gonna take them off," was all he said once he'd pulled away, and I was left to pant and stare up at the ceiling as he began to unbutton and drag the zipper of my fly downwards.

My mind was racing at this point. I was too reluctant to make any complaints because I knew he would just shut me down again, so I forced myself to keep my mouth closed as he began wrestling my jeans off my trembling legs.

"Stop shaking so much, this isn't a big deal," he reprimanded with an eyeroll, tossing my pants somewhere in the darkness. The noise the denim made as it plopped against the floor echoed in my ears for several long moments, sounding more like he'd thrown them miles athwart the ocean rather than a couple feet across the room.

His lips mirrored his hands in the way that they moved painfully along my body, almost bruisingly. I didn't know how powerful he really was--I didn't know if I wanted this anymore.

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