British Bird - Complete

British Bird - Chapter Thirty Eight

British Bird
Chapter Thirty Eight
Sang

I pace the floor of my room as I listen to the raised voices outside of my door. I'm a coward for hiding, but I can't face them yet. They're not going to be happy when they learn that I asked for Uncle to come here to make sure they get on the plane without a fight, because I just know there is going to be one.

Especially when I tell them what I have to tell them.

Even though it's a lie.

But it has to be enough. They have to hear from me one more time why I cannot go back with them.

I have to do this for me, even if it breaks many hearts in the process. Including my own. It's the best option right now.

Taking a deep breath, I head for my bedroom door and pull it open. The voices get louder, North and Luke's being the loudest. It makes me falter for a heartbeat but I keep going. The room falls silent when I walk into the living room. All eyes turn on me.

Anger. It's what I see in their eyes and it makes my heart drop down to my stomach.

"Sang," Owen says, his voice hard. "Care to explain why Mr Taylor is here?"

My eyes go to Uncle, a face I've avoided looking at until now. I smile because I've wanted to see his face since I was at the airport all those years ago saying 'see you soon'. When he returns my smile, he also gives me an encouraging nod of his head. I've told him almost everything and he's supporting me one hundred percent, even if he doesn't like it.

"You know, there comes a point in your life when you have to come out of your shell and spread your wings," I say, meeting Owen's grey eyes. "Since the day I was born, I've been swaddled in this shell. I've seen good, I've seen bad, I've experienced joy and I've felt loss, but never, ever have I been able to spread my wings and learn to fly."

I pause and blink back tears. "I've gone from foster home to foster home so many times I've lost count. I've met so many people, I can't remember even half of their names. I've jumped from school to school and have had to grow up quicker than I needed too. I've always had someone there, in my shadow, telling me what to do and what not to do."

From the corner of my eyes I watch Gabriel scrub at his face with his hands, wiping away his tears. I want to go over, wrap my arms around him and whisper in his ear that everything is going to be okay.

But I don't.

"For the first time in my life I'm by myself. I don't have any foster parents and I don't have Michelle."

"But you have us," Silas says.

I shake my head sadly. "No I don't."

"Of course you fucking do," North bellows. "We're here, Sang."

"But you're not supposed to be," I shout back. "This isn't your home, North. This is my home, my soil. You don't belong here."

"We belong wherever you are," Kota cries.

"But I'm not here either," I tell him. "I'm not...happy. I exist, but I don't live. I laugh, but it isn't real. I love, but it's not enough. I'm still in that damn shell, wrapped up in layers and I need to peel them back one at a time. If I want to fly, I have to give up everything that's weighing me down."

"And were weighing you down?" Sean asks with a disbelieving shake of his head.

"Yes." No. "You're worthless to me here."

Sean's green eyes narrow on me. "Stop lying."

I hate how they know me so well, even after all these years. I straighten my spine and harden my eyes. "I don't want you here." My voice is harsh, but the serious tone to it even surprises me.