SNAPCHAT//daniel seavey

ninety.

     today was the day. today was the day that i was going to put the situation about daniel and i into the world. going to admit, i'm scared. i know that people will take his side because he's an "angel". i also know that people are going to think that i'm copying alissa, when i'm not. we just both got screwed over.

    i took my shower and got ready for the video. i applied some light makeup because i knew it was going to be cried off. i brushed my hair but didn't do much since it was going to be covered. i brushed my teeth as well. i walked over to my closet and grabbed a sweatshirt with a pair of short shorts. what? it's cold in my room. i walked over to the corner of my closet and grabbed my camera along with lighting equipment. i set it all up before walking towards and sitting on my bed. i pressed record.

     "hey you guys" i began with. "today's video is another personal video like my previous one. this is a video everybody has been waiting for since june. it's currently august. say what you want about the situation, i don't care anymore. after this i want to forget about all of it and start over. with or without daniel in my life. he can decide that. without further nor do, lets get started".

     "it all started when daniel followed me. he messaged me on snapchat. i don't want to bore you with details. fast forward to after carter and i broke up. everybody took me out to a club and we all had fun. during the night, daniel and i kissed. we were drunk and it happened. we didn't have sex. we never have had sex. ever since that night, it wasn't the same" i spoke. "fuck i'm going to cry" i said as i fanned my eyes from crying. "anyways, we kept telling each other we couldn't date. him more than me. we said that because it'd ruin our friendship. and as you can tell, it already did without us dating. but even without us dating, we'd kiss and he'd hold me. if i ever just started to cry, he'd be there. he'd tell me to put down the razor and to live". at this point i was crying. it was the first time that i'd realized i had lost the potential love of my life. 

     "in june, he asked me to go with him to go home. i was nervous but said yes anyways. he was my friend so why not meet his parents. when i met his family, i liked them. i think they liked me. i'm not sure though, they haven't talked to me since that day. anyways, on our way to their house, his mom told daniel that she had invited danielle over for dinner. at the time i didn't know who danielle was. i asked daniel and all he said was that they 'used to have a thing' ". i said while putting air quotations of the words "use to". "what i didn't know is that they still do. that night daniel and i had a mini fight but made up before falling asleep. the next morning we went out for lunch and she was there. she came up to us and flirted with daniel while making me feel like trash." again, i was crying.

     "he made it seem like he hated her. but he really didn't. when we went back i was writing songs while they were all downstairs. after a while i got ready and went downstairs. when i went downstairs, she was there. making everybody laugh. i was there in the back for a little bit before i walked out. i even slammed the door. i was walking and nobody chased after me. i don't wanna sound like a brat. but if somebody slammed the door, wouldn't you look out to see what the noise was? or at least tell your friend upstairs that the guest had arrived? i walked towards a park and was there for two hours, crying before somebody texted me. you guys. i was gone for two hours before somebody noticed! i almost hurt myself again." this time i'm sure i was crying off my mascara. i took a moment to breathe before continuing.

     "i went to cvs to buy a few things and stayed at a hotel. i also booked a flight to LA. daniel had all my stuff and when he came back he left it at my doorstep. i unfollowed all the boys and they all unfollowed me. daniel kept saying sorry but i didn't wanna hear it. that's when my usage of drugs got worse. i was smoking three times a day. every night i was high. i was popping pills and cutting again. i was so done. i was depressed again. then i tried to end my life. i cut four deep cuts onto each arm. i also cut my leg twice and had drugs in my system. if i was found even twenty minutes later, i would've been dead. thank god i'm not."

     "i guess daniel was there while i was in a coma. i didn't wanna see him at all. so i didn't. the doctors said i could go home as long as i was supervised. that's why i moved into the clout house. i was friends with everyone so i might as well right? the day i was going to forgive and apologize to daniel, i found out him and danielle were dating. that broke my heart. he lied to me. he literally led me on. so tell me why i still love him? why i'd still cry over him and take him back in a heartbeat. tell me. because i don't get it."

     "i don't get how after he confirmed it, he started acting bitter towards me. like i understand i'm a petty bitch, but one minute you were saying sorry, then you're saying you don't care about me. that's low". "a few days ago, he came by the house. he was just standing there. i never wanted to scream so loud in my entire life. sommer, alissa, kyser, ricky, they were all there. daniel told me the truth. about how he was hooking up with danielle while him and i were. how they had a thing before i even came along. ricky, alex, and rice seriously wanted to fight him i swear. i was crying. right there. he also said that he knew he was going to have sex with her that night. and he did. the next morning i guess is when he asked her to be his girlfriend. after he told me that i told him i still loved him. and he told me to fuck off. so take that as you will."

     tears were coming out. i kept telling myself to stop  but i couldn't. talking about everything made me tired. "i don't know if he wants to be in my life anymore. and i 'm not sure if i want to be in his. i've been at the why don't we house while daniel wasn't there. i think i'm done talking about it for this video. there's the full truth. there wasn't any abuse. just that. he told me more stuff but i don't wanna relive it. i love you all. stay happy. bye" i ended the video with a fake smile.

     it took me four hours to edit. it could've taken me longer, but i wanted this to be as unedited as possible. afterwards i just hung around the guys for a little bit. the girls went out as i was making the video. i also wanted to hang out with the guys for a little while. before it it midnight though, i uploaded the video. before i fell asleep, i took my box of razors, and threw them away. so they'd never be seen or used again. 

a/n: well now y'all know a little bit of what happened when he went over. also some of this stuff is what went on with my ex. how he cheated, led me on, i still love him, etc. so if it felt real that's why. oops.