Forever and Always [A Bensler FanFic]

Chapter 20

Elliot's POV

I gently caressed Liv's hair as she laid motionless in her bed. 20 days. Almost a month away from us.

I couldn't get the memories from before and after Poppy was born out of my head. I almost lost both of my girls.

"Baby, can you wake up?" I asked, as I touched her short brown hair. They had to shave her head because of all of the surgeries she had been through. It was growing back, but slowly.

Praying for her to wake up hasn't worked. Bringing the kids in hasn't worked. Talking to her hasn't worked. Nothing has worked. She just needs to wake up by herself, sooner rather than later.

=+=

"No." I repeated over and over again as I paced in the waiting room. The nurse had pulled me out and then frantic yelling came from the OR that Liv was in. Something really bad happened. 

"Elliot!" My mother called, and I turned and looked at her as tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Mom! Something happened." I whimpered, and she came over and held me close.

"Okay, tell me everything." She spoke, as she forced me into a chair.

"I was talking to Liv while the doctors delieved Poppy, then once they took her out of the OR, Liv said that she loved Poppy so much, then beeping started." I cried. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Darling, please don't cry." She spoke, but I shook my head.

"That's my soul mate and daughter! What if I lose them both? I can't love someone as much as I love Liv. And the kids! How can I raise them by myself?" I questioned, my head filled with horrible what ifs.

"I'm sure they will have some news soon." She spoke, and god did I hope she was right.

=+=

We sat in the waiting room for hours, yet they felt like days. I felt my stomach drop when every door opened, letting a doctor come out. I watched as families got the good and bad news. Sobs would fill the air around us. If it wasn't sobbing it was sighs of relief because their loved ones were still living and breathing.

"Coffee?" My mother asked, as she sat back down next to me, two paper cups full of steaming coffee in her hands.

"No thanks." I mumbled, as I leaned forward and I held my head in my hands.

"Come on. Have something." She replied, and I lifted my head and looked at her over my shoulder.

"I don't want anything. Thanks for thinking of me, but Mom, I don't want anything but Liv right now."

She nodded, understanding where I was coming from. She sat the other cup next to her and sipped from the one still in her hand, as we stared at the doors.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, when the doors opened again. I opened them right away and looked. The female doctor that had brought me back to sit with Liv looked at me.

"Mr. Stabler?" She asked, and I stood up.

"How is she?" I chocked.

"She lost a lot of blood, but right now, she is stable." She spoke, and I felt tears run down my cheeks.

She's alive.

"Can I see her?"I asked, and the doctor shook her head.

"No. But I might have a way to make it up to you. Both of you."

=+=

I stood with my arm draped over my mother's shoulders as we stared at the tiny baby. Poppy was so small. I couldn't believe that something so small could already have the hearts of her family.

God, I love that baby girl.

"She's so small." My mother whispered.

"Only 26 weeks." I whispered.

"If she is anything like her mother, she'll survive this."

"I couldn't lose Liv, after all she had been through. I just wish they would let me see her." I spoke, and my mother nodded.

"I know, but just look at Poppy. Just think how she is going to be the spitting image of her mother. But with your beautiful blue eyes." She smiled, and I kissed my mother's temple.

"Thanks, for everything, Mom."

=+=

I was allowed to see Liv the next morning. I brought her flowers, and one of my shirts, because I know that when she has been in the hospital before, she always wants one to help her sleep.

"Detective Benson?" I smiled, as I knocked on her door. She smiled when she saw me.

"Hey, El." She croaked.

"How are you feeling, baby?" I asked, as I sat the flowers down and handed her my shirt. She smiled and kissed me before speaking again.

"Sore. I guess I almost died?" She asked, and my breath hitched at those words.

No dying. She wasn't allowed to die.

"Um, sorta. Do you remember anything?" I asked, and she nodded.

"You talked me into not liking Rose as a name for our little girl." She smiled, and I nodded.

"Oh, yeah. Poppy is a good name."

"Maybe our next one can be Rose?" She asked, and I smiled.

"After this, you want another baby?" I asked, and she shrugged.

"I guess. I want us to be even."

"Liv, I got to see Poppy." I breathed.

"How sick is she? Please just tell me." She whimpered.

"She weighs less than a pound. She can't breath by herself. She is having some circulation issues." I spoke, and Liv, swallowed hard.

"Okay. She'll make it." She spoke, and I was surprised that she didn't start crying.

"If she has your strength."

"Elliot, you wanna know what surprised me?" She asked, and I nodded.

"Sure." I spoke gently.

"When they were working on me. Before Poppy was born, all I could think about was wanting my Mom. I have no idea why."

"Even if you have a shitty relationship with your mother, sometimes you just want them. Moms can make everything better."

"Did Bernie come to sit with you?" Liv asked, and I nodded.

"Yeah, I needed my Mom too."

Liv sighed and she moved over slightly. I lowered myself onto the bed and tried not to shift it too much. She cuddled into my side, and closed her eyes. It wasn't long before she was snoring softly.

I didn't even care that she was sleeping. Just knowing that she was alive, and still fighting was enough for me.

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