Step-Brothers

~Chapter Twenty-Three~

He walks over, sitting on the bed next to him.

"I..." he wipes an eye.

"I'm not. I'm really not, first Evan, now you, how many times am I gonna actually convince myself to care just to lose the person to fucking New Jersey?"

"It's not long Connor, I promise. Just get through this year and you can come to college with us. Like you wanted. To Princeton. And we'll come back and visit often. I'll make sure of that."

"But you won't BE here, Jared, I'll be stuck with fucking Larry and I'll continue to be the fucking freak and I'll have to do it alone! I'll... You know Zoe and I don't get along. You know everyone fucking hates me, I... I'm fucked. I'm absolutely fucked." Jared moves closer and sets a hand on Connors.

"I promise It'll be okay. You'll make it. This year will be over sooner than you think. You have my number AND Evan's number. We can text you every day. Twice a day even!"

"And I'll have to make do with that because I won't have you here. I won't have Evan to sit close in my couch while I smoke and to joke about shotgunning with, I won't have you in my bed every night, my arms around you because you're the only goddamn thing physically here, keeping me from fucking offing myself! And I almost lost you once and now..."

"Con... I promise. You keep that to you. We will come down as much as we can. Every break we get. Even on weekends when I get enough money for a car"

"It isn't that fucking easy! You know it isn't, you of all people know!"

"I know..... but we can't control any of it Connor. I would be leaving either way. Going to New Jersey with Evan or to fucking California with Hannah"

"I know, and I fucking hate it. I hate it, Jared, I just - I -" Jared hugs him.

"I know. I know Con, I do too. I wish none of this happened and we could all just stay here." Connor sniffs.

"God fuckin - why always the ones I start to like?" Jared goes quiet just a little bit. Connor holds him tighter.

"Why the ones I think I could live for? Why the ones I... I think I..."

"Connor......"

"Jared, I won't make it. I won't."

"Yes you will. You will make it Connor. I know..."

"No, I won't! Jared, I have to tell Evan I'm fine every day because he can't be here to fix it. Now I have to lie to you too."

"You don't have to. You know I'm going
through the same thing, the same feeling you are. You don't have to lie to me."

"You've got Evan. You've got some kind of... Tether. I don't. I hate it."

"You do too! You have both Evan and I!" Jared pulls back to look at him.

"We're here for you anytime you need us."

"... But I need you here. I need you both here, you have any idea how bad it got when Evan left? You were on cloud nine for the first week cause you had Evan as your boyfriend, but I had just lost the only person who willingly hung out with me. All I could do then was text him cause I know phone calls scare him. I know everything that scares him. I know exactly how to calm him down and it calms me down too. I know how to hold you because it makes you feel less alone and it makes me feel so needed and appreciated and... And it's the closest thing to love anyone has shown me."

"I'm so sorry Connor, I really am. But you know Evan still loves you and would anything for you. And.... I would too. Because we care about you. If you need to, we can even skype. You can see and hear us. That's what Evan and I did...."

"It isn't enough, I NEED that physical contact. I need you here. I need you."

"I........ I really wish I could do something about it..... what- what if when you turn eighteen- which is very soon- You can come and move to New Jersey with us. We'll all room and be with each other.." he's trying so hard.

"... Okay. Okay, I... Okay."

"Just...... please try? I mean, I do.. love you too. I would hate it if I had to lose you too..." That does it. Those words. Connor surges forward to crush his lips onto Jared's. Jared is caught extremely by surprise. He has a thought in his mind, that he might as well kiss back for a little bit. Connor really needs it. He's gonna tell Evan, but do it well enough to not make him freak out. Connor enfolds him in his arms so carefully as he kisses him. He knows it's not what he should be doing, but he needs to. Jared cups his face with his hands and kisses him soft before his phone buzzes. It's Evan.

E: [Is everything all right?]

"Shit."

Ja: [Yeah. Everything's fine, Connors a little more emotional than usual]

"What the fuck am I doing, I- I'm sorry."

E: [Should I come up? I'm getting worried.]

Ja: [Its fine, I'm coming back]

"It's fine, Con. It's alright." Jared pecks his lips before hugging once more.

"... Don't tell him. He'll hate us."

"I have to Connor. The longer I wait the worse it'll get when he does find out."

"... Jared, he'll be so pissed."

"No. I'll make sure he isn't."

"... Okay."

"Be safe alright? I'll text regularly." He nods.

"Don't hurt yourself again."

"I won't if you won't."

"... I'll try."

"....... bye Connor"

"... Bye Jared." Then he leaves and is on his way down to the car. Connor lays in his back and sighs. This sucks.
Evan is waiting for him anxiously. Is everything okay? What did he mean he's more emotional?

"Alright.... It's all good"

"Are you sure? Is he okay?"

"Yeah. He's fine now"

"... All right I guess..." then they're on their way to NJ.

".... You're really sure everything is okay? You seem... Off."

"I'm fine. Really."

"... Did something happen?"

"I'll tell you later." And it's quiet the rest of the ride there. Evan is worrying about it the whole way. He's very anxious about what the hell happened.