The Kidnapper's Wife

62. After

Connor looks at me, considering what I said, which surprises me. He's acting as though he's really trying to be honest. But I still don't believe he's telling me the truth.

"I think if it hadn't have been for the baby I would have left you Jade. The problem is, I did, I do even, love you. And so leaving someone you love, is hard to do. But the thing about loving someone is you also want what's best for them. I knew if I left you, you would be better off. I planned on grooming Anna all year at school, and so my plan to leave you the summer before school started seemed perfect. By the time I left with Anna, you would be a part of my past, not present, and the press would hopefully leave you alone."

Connor thinks, then continues, "But when the baby came, I couldn't leave. I wanted to meet my little legacy. And I wanted to be there for you during the pregnancy. So I figured I would back things up a bit. I would stay with you until the baby was born, and leave soon after. It'd be hard for you, but better than the alternative. At least you wouldn't be associated with me in that you'd be living with me when I left with Anna. I hoped maybe that would help."

"And I hoped having the baby would help you. Give you a distraction as well. Make you hate me and hurt from the betrayal just a little less." he adds.

"So what went wrong?" I ask, "Because, I'm pretty sure you took Anna in October, not June."

I'm so angry hearing his plan. If he had stuck to it, maybe I wouldn't have miscarried. Maybe I wouldn't have lost my precious child.

'Stress.' the doctor had said, after she'd heard about the circumstances of the bleeding.

Ever since that word had come out of her mouth I had hated Connor with a new vengeance. No longer was it just about what he had done to me. He had taken my life away in the cruelest way imaginable, but what he had done to our baby was ten million times worse.

I think I blamed Connor so much to alleviate some of the blame I placed on myself. Because really, Connor could only be blamed for so much. I was the one creating the environment for the baby to grow in. I was the one who had tainted that environment with so much stress that the little peanut couldn't survive. I had killed our child in the end, not Connor. And I would feel that pain for the rest of my life.

I still felt the void where the baby should be. On his or her due date, I drove to a cemetery and walked through the graves. Even though my baby didn't get to have a memorial place, I felt a little comforted being among the other lost souls. I sat next to a statute of a baby angel on top of the grave of Christine Thomas and spoke to my own little angel, hoping she could hear me, wherever she was.

"Yeah." Connor looks sad, and his voice jolts me back to the present, "The thing is my plan worked too well. I groomed Anna too quickly. It was so easy. It was like she wanted to be with me from day one. She sucked up to me, and I just gave the attention right back to her. Before I knew it, she was staying after practice and chatting me up all the time. She'd come to my office at lunch, after school, all the time."

He pauses. "At first I took things slow. Kept things very platonic, just friendly. But then, and I swear I'm not lying Jade, Anna made the first move on me."

I must look skeptical because he speaks faster.

"One day after robotics club, it must have been sometime in August, she followed me back to my office when I was getting my backpack. When I turned around, the door was closed - and locked- and she was standing right behind me. She had taken her shirt off, and was wearing a ridiculous, teenage, over the top, lingerie type bra underneath. The kind of thing that you think is sexy when you're fourteen."

He's uncomfortable now, not meeting my eyes. "She stood there for a minute, and I was so surprised I just stared at her. She was leaning against my desk in a way that she obviously meant to look provocative but actually just looked awkward. Then, out of nowhere, she sprung forward and kissed me on the mouth. Again, even though I wanted to kiss her-" he interrupts himself at my expression, "I'm trying to be as honest as I can Jade, per your request."

I nod, and wipe the disgust off my face so he'll go on.

"Even though I wanted to kiss her, the whole thing caught me off guard so much I barely knew what was happening as she assaulted my face with her tongue. When she pulled back, I could see in her eyes that she'd liked it. She didn't say anything, just turned and left my office, with a backward sassy glance. And I knew things were moving way too fast."

"The thing is," Connor plays with his fingers on the table in front of him, "Once you go down that road you really can't go back. The next thing I knew, Anna and I were-" he glances up at me quickly, then back down, "Look I'll spare you the specifics, but Anna and I were getting more and more physical, very quickly."