Breathe (GirlxGirl)

Chapter 20 - What We Are

The following week, Sam never spoke of that night, nor did she feel the same as before Faith and Dana knew of her past. She remained more stiff, more fidgety and more anxious. She made less eye contact, fewer jokes and was more self-conscious. It wasn't that she didn't trust either of the women, but now it was no longer hidden. Now her 11 year old was unveiled and exposed. She had the potential to escape the recesses where she'd been locked away. Acknowledgment was one thing... but to marry this broken self with her present self meant that she must lay all the pieces out in front of her and make some sort of sense of things. For many years, Sam felt she needed to leave her past behind. She desired this so badly, her subconscious enabled her to truly block out and forget parts of the event and it's aftermath.

Each subsequent year it became more difficult to keep her demons at bay. Like a side mirror on a car used to navigate while driving.... the perception of distance to manuvour becomes apparent when an attempt is made to switch lanes. There is space... however, once the other vehicle is in sight through the rear-view mirror, it is evident there was never as much distance as one thought using the side mirror. It is then that the words on the side mirror become imperative as it reads, "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear."

It was as if Samantha had been looking backwards through a pair of binoculars long enough to become comfortable with the distance presented. Then, all of a sudden, they are pulled from her eyes. It was startling for her to see just how close her past had been all along. It was becoming more and more clear that even though Samantha was a runner, she could not run away from history.

Dana struggled as well. She had so many questions. However, she kept her promise to Samantha to not speak of Sam's past trauma unless she did. She observed how uncomfortable Sam had become sometimes. She wanted to protect Sam and give her support and comfort. Her bedroom door remained open so she could hear better when Sam had her nightmares. It was evident to Dana now that Sam was having flashback nightmares. Not just bad dreams the mind makes up... No! They were terrible memories of something so traumatic that despite Samantha's efforts to forget, her past reared it's ugly head in her sleep.

The one appearing to handle things best was Faith. She continued to carry on as usual. What Sam and Dana didn't see or hear was the inner dialogue Faith had with herself. She constantly reminded herself to be in the moment with Samantha.
Don't let her see you worry.
Just give her space.
Oh Sam! Please let me in? Don't push for more than she can give.

Faith was patient with the pace Sam needed to take things between the two of them. At the time, there was plenty of flirting and sexual tension, accompanied by some hand holding and an occasional kiss... But nothing as intense as their first kiss.

Samantha wanted more. Her whole body reacted when Faith gave her a certain look. Her heartbeat increased it's pace. She got a lump in her throat and her mouth became dry. When Faith touched her, she felt a warmth and yearning spread throughout her body like an electrical current that radiated to her core. Never before had she become so aroused by a simple touch or the feel of Faith's soft lips pressed against hers for a brief second. But, what if she panics again?

The three women gathered at the bar. Dana leaned against the bar toward Sam and Faith who were nestled against each other. Faith's hand rested on Sam's leg caressing it gently.

"Ya know... you're gonna need to finish that homework or take it somewhere else soon, cause we're about to get busy." Dana said. "Plus you've been on that same page for at least 45 minutes now." she finished with a smirk.