Escape | Levi x Ghoul!reader | Attack on Titan/Tokyo Ghoul Crossover

39

You couldn't help but let out a sigh upon entering your room.

All of the memories that you made here came rushing back, slamming against you with a feeling of uncertainty. Just how much trouble have you caused these people to handle? Living with a freak like you must have been tough, moreover trying to hide you from society. Having risked their lives to rescue you from an opponent whom they didn't know, and still risking every single day to follow, blindfully hoping that their lives weren't in danger at your mere presence-- which was something that no one had ever said out loud, but you could see it in the faces of your friends, you've seen it in the wavering smiles that they put up whenever you came around, you've seen it in the cautious glance in their eyes, their distance, the way some people even began avoiding you all together.

To make things even worse, you suddenly felt the hunger that you've been holding in for so long. The craving for flesh that you would've satisfied the first chance you'd get. You disguested youself.

. . .

You sat alone in the Mess Hall, sipping on your "special" tea. It was never enough, but you knew very well that you were trying your best to live off of it, no matter how long you had to go on without hurting anyone. It was for the best.

A pair of footsteps approached you, sitting on your opposite side. It was Hanji.

"Are you feeling any better, (y/n)?" She asked in a serious tone.

"Somehow." 

Hanji, obviously, wasn't satisfied with your response. But she knew well to give you some space and not push it out of you too much. She tried asking again, this time a little differently, and with a bright smile to give off the impression that she didn't want to pressure you, "Is something bothering you?"

"Yeah. . . A lot." You said, deciding that it wasn't the time to be hiding anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She offered. 

You didn't quite know yourself. Did you? You remembered that growing up, nobody really wanted to hear about your feelings, or whether you ever felt troubled, or anything else of the such. So generally, you didn't really understand what it was like to talk about your emotions in such a way. All you knew were simple things, like the way you would laugh to indicate happiness, cry when you were sad, or punch something when you were terribly upset. Talking about emotiones felt awkward.

"Well. . . I think," You began, trying to find the most specific way to explain to her. After a while, you ended up going with, ". . . I think I don't belong here."

She seemed a little surprised by the sudden confession, "Oh, (y/n), why not?"

"Let's just face it, Hanji. I'm just a threat to all of you-- a menace, a freak. I'm nothing but danger. I might be very useful when I step out of those walls, but here? I'm no different than those giants that we're trying so hard to demolish."

Your fist clenched during your entire speech, and you were close to breaking the handle of your tea cup.

Hanji placed a thumb againsther chin, thinking of a way to assure you.

"In a way, what you've said is true. But think about it (y/n), we're the only people who can handle you, we've been doing it for this long. The moment you leave the Survey Corps, you wouldn't have a place to go to, no one to depend on. In your position, I think it would be very hard to survive for long out there without having to do something that you don't want to. On the contrary, this is exactly where you belong, with us, the only people left who aren't afraid to be around you. In fact, it's much more than that. You're our friend, (y/n)."

You were so close to tearing up and disregarding your previous thoughts. But just then, you remembered something, and immideately had the need to ask Hanji about it.

"Thank you, but, there is something I need to ask."

"And what is that?"

You took a sip out of your tea to make sure you could sate your hunger for a while longer. And finally, you stared at her with a serious expression, "During the trial, someone had mentioned that. . . A Ghoul had been captured? Was that true?"

Hanji sighed at the inquiry, but knew an answer had to be offered.

"There have only been rumours, so nobody can tell for sure."

"Do you know anything about that Ghoul?"

She looked strangely at you for a second, perhaps not expecting the strange question.

"Well, there are things going around lately, some that don't exactly make sense."

"Nevermind that, please tell me." You eagerly pleaded.

With a little hesitation, Hanji finally told you what she knew.

"I've heard someone say that the Ghoul has an unusual hair colour, one that is. . ." She thought of the correct term. "I suppose you could say that it's 'unfit' for their age."

"What do you mean?" You got even more curious.

"They say that it is completely white. . ."

You let out a gasp, averting your gaze towards your tea as fast as you could. You hoped that your speculations were wrong, but unfortunately, you were convinced that there was only one person you knew who could have possibly been that Ghoul.

"Is something wrong?" Hanji asked with a cocked brow.

"Nothing at all," You lied. "Thank you for the talk, Hanji. I think I'll go rest for now."

You got up, and began to head towards the exit. You glanced back at Hanji to catch her wave at you in a silly way, hesitantly you waved back. On your way towards your room, there was only one thing in your mind: What should I do?