LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Fresh out of the Closet

By Micah/Shimmer

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Most men in my family would drop like flies around the age of 60 and higher so I spent most of my time with my mom, sister and female relatives, at the time I wasn't sure why but I just got along better with them instead of the men and boys. I ended up more in touch with my feminine side instead of my masculine side, I always watched fairy tales with princesses and played with dolls with my younger sister and she didn't mind at first. But as we got older I realized people would find it strange for boys my age to do that kind of stuff so I stopped, can't say I didn't miss it but it wasn't anything too much. Then I realized that there would be people who judge you based off your sexuality and most guys in my grade would say 'That's so gay.' 'Don't be a faggot.' 'Why are you so gay?' And when I finally realized I was attracted to boys instead of girls my whole world slowly but surely flipped upside down. I didn't think there we anything wrong with being gay or anything but it looked like everyone else thought it was and most other boys value their masculinity so they go along with the homophobia just because everyone else would. I of course became extremely afraid of being found out and I was very careful not to give too much away, and the entire time I thought there was something wrong with me that made me this way. But halfway through 7th grade I came out to my friend Bella and she was the very first person I ever told comfortably, and I only did it so she could tell me a secret of hers. After that I told one person after another and almost all the girls in my grade found out, but it as spreading a little bit too quickly. I didn't mind the girls knowing but my fear was if it were to reach the guys, they were judgemental, blunt, insensitive and they liked to attack people and even each other, especially me since they always thought I was against them for no reason. Anyway a few guys found out and it really scared me, most were accepting but one of them threatened to expose me.

I was beyond devastated and I even thought of moving to a new school or even taking my own life over my own fear of how people would react, and the guy threatening to tell everyone was actually told by my biggest crush of all. I was furious with them both but it worked itself out and they never told. In 8th grade this year though there were 80 new people and college wasn't too bad. However a lot of people were still homophobic, and I became friends with this accepting 12th and three gay 12th graders and I felt more comfortable in my own skin. At some point in the year around August the accepting 12th grader was doing a workshop type of thing about Xenophobia and Homophobia and he came to me and the other guys who aren't straight so we could help and make sure he didn't say anything offensive, I asked when the workshop was to happen and they said in two days

Initially the girl's school has LGBTQ talks like every Tuesday and we wee thinking the boys would need something like that because of how bad the homophobia was for me, so we're planning and planning but when the workshop/talk about Xenophobia and Homophobia was to take place I took it as an opportunity to come out. As expected a lot of the people in the college disagreed and snickered at what was said and because they knew they were in the wrong regardless if they liked it or not. At the end of it the 12th grader running the whole thing said they were running out of time and were gonna have to cut to the video, I was supposed to come out BEFORE the video...so I thought I lost my chance. But then the 12th grader looked around and called me up to the podium, a lot of my friends that knew about me thought I was crazy, and honestly so did I. My legs felt numb and I nearly fell onto the floor but with each step I took I felt something burning as if I absolutely had to keep going, and I did

I said "Hello I'm ***** ******* and I'm bisexual...this whole thing we really annoying because most of you agreed to having friends that you know are gay yet you say 'why you being so gay?' 'Ha that's so gay' etc. Then you claim to be that for us yet you say we must somehow stand up for ourselves? Can anyone tell me that being gay is wrong?" I asked in a tone that showed I was really pissed off, I looked around and as I had expected no one said a word or made a move. Turns out a was actually glaring at everyone by accident. Anyway at the sight of no one saying anything I literally said "That's what I thought." And I walks off

I thought things wouldn't end well but everyone clapped and then they did that thing were the stand and stomp on the floor for the drumming affect but we only did that when something BIG happened. And they didn't do it once but twice! I swear I never felt so liberated in my entire life. After the chapel there was a line of seniors that stayed behind literally just to shake my hand and congratulate me for being so brave. Nonetheless I knew that the homophobia wouldn't end so soon but I've been seeing a lot less of it.