LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

The Man I Hope To Be

By Mason

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Of course this will start out as a typical story of discovery. Isn't it how it all works? I knew that I was so much different from my peers at such a young age. When I was in kindergarten all I wanted to do was wear shorts 24/7 and play in the dirt and such. Little did I know it would lead me to where I am now. Growing up, I lived and I am still currently living in a strictly Christian, hardcore Jesus household. Have been raised that will and will most likely always be raised that way until I fly from the nest. I was always taught by my parents that the only way was God's way and that if I felt anything other than being a cisgender straight female that I was doomed for damnation, so I just kept my mouth shut and obeyed because that's what I was raised to do. Over the years in elementary school and middle school I started learning more about the spectrum of sexuality, gender, and expression. I remember I had crushes on a lot of people, especially girls. Who I was told not to like. It scared me how my parents would react if they knew so of course, I kept my mouth shut like I had always been taught to do. In middle school I started to feel uncomfortable when being called a woman or a daughter, sister, etc. It just didn't, it didn't fit in this puzzle of me trying to figure out who I was. That is, until I started blogging on different social media sites. Twitter, Tumblr, Wattpad, you name it, I most likely have it. It took me a while to break free from that strict Christian agenda and see myself for who I really am, but I made progress. First, I discovered who I loved. I sowohl realized overtime that my feelings were normal and that I could easily fall for anyone no matter their gender or expression. I realized I was pan. And then later on, I finally figured out the feelings about my gender I had felt for a long time after I came across the word "transgender male". Digging deep, I didn't realize it until early last summer and I felt so happy to find out who I am. However, the struggle of transphobia and homophobia still was evident in my family and town so it kept me from coming out until recently. I came out to my friends last year in the middle of October. I told them and cried for fifteen minutes and they said that they accepted me. Later on, I came out to my entire drama class, including my teacher, and had a very wonderful moment there when they welcomed me with open arms too. To me, it was a miracle that I was able to be accepted in a bigoted town, however, through all the hate and pain and dysphoria it causes me, my friends and the ones I consider close call me Mason and see me as the man I want to be when I grow up. Only one more year of school and then I will be free to be myself. Thanks for listening Wattpad, and to all my fellow trans men and to all the trans women, genderfluid, nonbinary, etc. out there, you are not alone. You never will be.