LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Ace of spades

By Anonymous

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I live in the U.K. and yet ou can probably tell from the title, I'm an aromantic asexual.

For the most part of the last year (2016) I had a hard time with figuring out what I was. I go to an all girl school but I have a twin brother and do a few out of school things that include guys the same age as me: such as judo and explorers (the thing after scouts). So I do spend time with guys my age as well, though there all pretty annoying.

In my life I have never had a crush, and at one point I was playing truth or dare with some 'popular' girls and they asked me if I had a crush on anyone and of course, I said no. The girls, however, kept sayings that I was lying and thatI should tell them. In the end I felt so awkward that a picked a random boy in the class.

Anyway, nothing much happened for a while and I was fine being oblivious me. Going to an all girl school helped because there were no boys for the girls to fawn over. At the start of year 9 a new girl came. We became good friends over our love of Harry Potter and the fact that I finally had someone in my year on the bus with me. She was very loud and isn't afraid to be herself. About halfway through the year she told me she was pan and then came out to the whole year on the group chat. Everyone was fine.

Before this I didn't know that pan was a thing, only knowing about the basics of the lgbtq+ community. After she came out I did some research and started to question myself.

If I wasn't hetro then maybe I was gay. There was this girl that I thought I liked in that way for a while but I think it was more of a squish that I tried to trick my brain into thinking was a crush. Anyway by the end of that school year I was still confused.

Then came year 10, and with it came the new series of Sherlock! I had discovered tjlc (the johnlock conspiracy) and was an avid shipper. Through this I learnt more about what being asexual was and found that I related to it. When looking it up more I came across the term aromantic. I then read through a bunch of pages on the internet and cried because I felt like I finally understood myself . This was just after new year.

I then messaged my pan friends, knowing she would be able to help me. She accepted me. She has helped me a lot, and I have find it a lot easier to talk openly about it with her.

I'm worried about coming out to my parents because how do you explain that you've never felt these feelings, especially when I'm still seen as a child.

Although there is no way I'm ready to come out to my family. Around March I was able to come out to my two best friends... over text... cause I was scared. After they learnt what the term meant and I explained that I'd never had a crush and that stuff, they were totally accepting.

I now feel a lot better knowing that I am aro ace and hope that one day I will be ready to tell my family.

Thanks for reading!