LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Closet Doors

By Emily

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On January 19th of 2017 I came out as bi, although I had technically been "Out of the closet" for over a year at that point. That was the day that I came out to my friends that didn't know.

That was the point of no return, but I didn't care because I could openly express my feelings towards both genders without people questioning me.

The day I came out I did it mainly so that I could openly express my feelings towards my best friend, we can call her "C". After coming out to my friends who at first all seemed pretty supportive I had one left who I hadn't told.

I'll call him "T," I had a pretty big crush on T at the time and I was worried that if I told him he would reject me and he would want to be friends anymore.

Finally late that night he got me to tell him, in exchange he had to tell me one of his biggest secrets.

After I told him, he was completely fine with it and he became one of my biggest supporters.

After a bit of talking me and T both confessed that we had feelings for each other and we attempted a relationship. It lasted around a month and he was an amazing person to be in a relationship with, but after talking to him I realized that it was almost completely repulsive for me to think of even kissing him.

I became evasive and it put me under a lot of stress. After questioning myself trying to figure out if I was just confused I finally came to a conclusion.

I'm not sexually attracted to men.

I'm a lesbian.

I broke up with T and C was there to comfort me, but T and C were pretty close friends and I never was given much alone time to be away from T.

Although, now I'm glad that I was never given much time to get over T on my own I'm glad that he was still in my life because at one point he was one of my best friends.

A week after the break up, a note was thrown onto my desk. I look over and I noticed that it was from one of the girls in my class who I had never really spoken to I'll call her "L".

The note said "Are you a lesbian, I heard a couple of kids talking about you and T's breakup and they said you did it because you were a lesbian?"

I turned to her and nodded plastering on a fake smile trying to cover up the fact that I was about to throw up.

After class she asked for my number saying that she had a group of lgbtq+ kids from our school who had formed a sort of "Support Group" and she wanted to add me to it.

After school that day I confronted T about it and he said it was an honest mistake. He had told two people and only because they had asked why we broke up.

He said that he had never intended to hurt me, but he did. For weeks I walked around now understanding the weird looks I was getting, I avoided the bathrooms and I tried to avoid all communication with anyone I didn't know during school hours.

I also avoided T, I blocked his number, told him to not sit with me at lunch and I told him that I didn't want him to walk with me and my friends to class anymore. T agreed politely and stopped talking to me for a bit.

Meanwhile I met someone else, we can call them "H" . Me and H got really close really fast and we bonded over the fact that we both grew up in broken homes.

H was non binary and eventually we tried dating but it didn't really work out. Although H is still in my life and H is a great friend.

Me and T made up and he's one of my biggest supporters. Although my biggest supporter remains my cousin "S". I never got together with C, she fell in love with someone else. H has helped me be more open and he understands me on a level that most people don't.

The kids at school did eventually get over it. I know T, you told me they would but I'm stubborn and refused to believe you.

I've realized that coming out was the best thing I could possibly do because even though I got a bit of hate for it, I've gotten much more love and support.

My parents don't officially know, but I've been dropping hints and hopefully I'll come out within the next year or so.

I've decided to end this with one of my favorite quotes.

"If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door." - Harvey Milk