Right Where You Left It

Salt

Ok, so the school year is almost over, and at our senior awards we received our yearbooks (which I worked on, so I was proud!) And the very next day I brought mine to school to get people to sign it.

So we were in Statistics, not doing a damn thing, cuz like, it's June. So I asked some people who sit near me, that I've always been cool with to sign my yearbook. But since the first girl I asked to sign it, couldn't think of anything at that moment, she passed it to her best friend. And what she said got for me thinking:

"I love your salty-ness. It's amazing. I wish I could be as salty as you, stay that way, you'll do great in college"

Now being honest, I was originally offended a bit by the comment. Especially since she was so excited about me reading it.

But I mean, the girl who wrote it never had a problem with me, and she always said I was cool, and she was so happy about me reading it.

So I took it like a compliment, a backhanded compliment, but a compliment nonetheless.

I looked up salty to see if there are any other meanings to it, cuz you know, urban slang. But no, it only means to be super angry and bitter about something.

The first thing I thought in my defense was, "I'm not salty", but to be honest, I am. I really am, and I'm not ashamed of it either.

Honestly if anything affects me negatively in the slightest way, I get super posses about it, and I can hold  a grudge forever. I'm holding a grudge  right now. My bitterness can consume Me and it can be impossible to move forward from the perceived issue, and I get stuck into a loop. I'm in a silent war right now with girls from my school because I can't let things go, (i.e. the grudge I am currently holding) I've always been trying to pretend like these things don't bother me, but because I do that, it only makes me more salty.

But then why did this girl say that my saltiness was amazing? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. I didn't ask her. But allow me to speculate well, my overwhelming bitterness makes me determined to prove to those who I feel have wronged me, (and to myself) that I can succeed in spite of the perceived wrongdoing. It makes me want so badly to "win", and that determination gets me far.

Yes, I know it's bad that my success is based off of anger, but anger is an emotion necessary for growth. So yea, I'm angry. Yeah, I'm bitter. But I'm Still growing, and until my growth in that area is complete being a salt shaker is working for me.