Right Where You Left It

Judge Me

I think most people are afraid of me.

Not in the way that you may think, I'm not tough, intimidating, or threatening. I'm a 5'3 118lb girl who wears purple eyeshadow, blue eyeliner, and fills in my eyebrows everyday. Not traditionally terrifying, right? No, that's not what I mean. Nobody thinks I'm going to beat them up or ruin their lives directly, so why would I think that, right?

Well, think about it. I'm not threatening or tough, but I'm very intense, sarcastic, and socially inept.

Being afraid is "unwilling or reluctant to do something for fear of the consequences." People are unwilling to interact with me because they don't know what will come out of my mouth or what will happen or how they will feel.

Don't think I'm complaining, because I'm actually not, I just started thinking about it this morning, and wanted to write it.

A lot of people have low tolerance for people who are socially inept, and I can understand that. I have a low threshold to cross before I become frustrated with others and myself. My tendency to overthink everything I will say before it come out tends to stunt the growth of conversation, I tend to be mute and I know people get upset with that.

This happens because they cannot pick my pink brain, they don't ever know what I'm thinking, because I don't say it, they don't know what I'm feeling because I dont show it. And they don't know what to say to me because they don't know how I'll take it. Because I am hard to understand, most avoid me. I can't say this doesn't upset me, but I can say that I'm not really complaining about it, I'm just analyzing the behavior of others, as I normally would.

But back to the beginning, fear tends to subside once you understand what you're up against. The reason people get scared is because they don't get it.

And once you get me, you won't be scared anymore.