LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Pride

Let me answer that question for you. No, you aren't. Because majority of people in the world have a toe, and those who don't you feel bad for. I was born black, so now I have to be proud about the way I was born. I was born partially gay, and now I have to feel proud about being part gay?

I have to gloat about how black I am, constantly telling people what race I am even though you could probably tell just by looking at me.

Like my blackness, my attraction to girls boys, was blatant. From my point of view, it was so clear to see, you would've thought you were a bird looking at glass.

If I'm going to be proud of something can it at least be of something that I accomplished with my own two hands, not something that was pre-destined to be.

Eighth Grade

This was the grade for which I got my first crush on a girl. That's so weird to write. I didn't know her name, and I didn't want to know. Because if I knew that meant friendship, and friendship plus crush equals doom. I wish I learned her name.

Summer

I was at a writing workshop camp for a week. It was the best summer program I'd ever done in my life it was so much fun, and I felt so light. Everyone was so nice, and they didn't care about your views, or gender, or race. It was mostly girls and I believe half of them were on the LGBT+ spectrum somewhere. I loved it; I got so much work done. Anyway we were driving back to the main place we were staying from a field trip and they were asking if we ever fell in love . I didn't love anybody, I was only fourteen. So I told them this: I don't love, I have severe infatuations.

I then proceeded to tell them about these people. One boy from first to fourth grade, then another one in fifth grade, and the most current: the girl.

I felt so relieved when they just nodded their heads and went okay. I was terrified and guilty. I was scared they'd tell my mom who would tell my dad, and then other family members. They always tell their family everything. That's why I didn't want to tell them in the first place. It's one to have your parents resent you. It's another to have everyone else do the same.

I felt guilty because how could I trust four random strangers with my secret more than my own family?

So, to lessen my guilt I told my first cousin. She was family and I could trust her to not tell anybody. It was over text and it went like this:

Me: Hey

Cousin: hey

Me: You know what I want for my birthday

Cousin: What

Me: A big booty hoe

In theory this was the best plan I had so far, and it was direct, yet indirect. It went with an upbeat song about girls, and how I wanted one for my birthday. I loved the plan, but only in theory. She ended up confused by my statement and I had to explain everything, also I felt a bit uncomfortable using such a derogatory to describe a woman, especially since I am one as well and would definitely not enjoy being called one. It is a good song though.

I then told my best friend in the whole world a bit simpler saying I liked girls. But then I had to explain if I liked boys also.

Like wtf! This was supposed to be simple!

Sigh.

Later that summer, my father and brother were having another one of their little conversations on the greatness of the gays.