LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 3

Pride

Fourth Grade

Okay, so my friend her hair was super short and because of this super hair shortness almost everyone called her gay or a lesbian. This was definitely not true, because the girl liked more boys than anyone I knew of. And she always kept around friends that said these things to her knowing it hurt her. I tried to get them to stop with gentle reasoning and I tried to get her to stop being friends with them. This it seemed, was impossible as we were in different grades, classes, and social groups. How was I supposed to stay friends with her, if all my other friends would leave me because they don't like her, and I would lose her as a friend and watch her suffer from others? I always get caught in situations like these. I'll have several more in the future. I couldn't be there for her in class and she would be left with the others that didn't treat her well, but she would still be friends with them, because who else would be. Friends in my school were like Life Call's. If you had one and fell they'd get you back up. If you didn't well you stayed in the floor suffering in pain, dying, waiting for someone to pick you up. No wonder she went back to them. The only time I was able to really meet up with her was during the summer at camp allowing her to vent and calm down a bit before going back to them the next school year.

Does that make me the rebound friend?

Sixth Grade

Summer

My brother started asking questions, about men kissing other men and he, of course, asked my dad about it. I mean who else was he to ask. My mom wasn't going to say anything about it, and I knew nothing about that, and I truly didn't want to. Kissing's still gross at this point of my life. My father instilled this lesson into my younger brother's and I's head with a thick patois accent. "No mon kiss mon."

Before this time I hadn't given much thought to my sexuality or sexuality in general because what did it matter. I knew I liked boys and that's all that mattered. Girls didn't like other girls like that only boys liked girls then the vice versa, and maybe boys liked boys. I guess that's why I didn't care to even look into that little conclusion of mine. Because if boys could do it, why not girls?

I try not to say the Lord's name in vain, but occasionally it happens.

My family and I went to the State Festival. Everything was going great. We were riding rides, eating funnel cake, going to ride even more rides. This was probably the most revealing day of my life. The ultimate milestone... for me. It revealed my plot hole, broke my minds fourth wall, and I looked around me as if it was a whole new world.

My mom had sent me to get more tickets from the booth, so then we could ride in this saucer thingy that made it seem like you could climb walls. It's the best ride there. As I was waiting in line there was a super tall man, who was kind of beefy, standing in front of me. In front of him were to young women locking face. My eyes went wide and in one of those rare moments I went, Oh My God. I couldn't believe it. In front of me were to young ladies making-out in public. It was disturbing and mystifying at the same time. Disturbing because no one wants to watch other people kiss, it's uncomfortable and extremely awkward for the other person seeing this, mystifying because that means all doors are open. I could be with whoever I wanted (With their consent). When I looked at those two tattooed girls exchanging bacteria filled spit with their mouths, I knew I had a chance. I had found hope.

Seventh Grade

By this time I was thirteen with an Instagram account and at a way more diverse school then my last one. My Insta was surprisingly informative about the LGBT community. I think it was the year same-sex marriage became legal. So, with Gay Pride flyers filling my suggestions page with dirty comics that I couldn't really grasp at the time, to pictures of people at gay pride parades waving flags in the air. I've never been able to fully understand "pride". When we had Black History Month and they'd play the song, "I'm Black and I'm Proud." I never got it, I never felt proud. Even when I thought I was, I wasn't. I just wanted to say I was so then I'd feel accepted. It didn't make any sense to me. If you're born with a toe are you proud you have a toe?