Poems For Daniel

Thirty-Four

The doorbell rang, the next day. I walked to get it, and as soon as the door was open, Jeremiah engulfed me into his embrace. "Oh, my gosh," I sighed. "You don't understand how guilty I feel, Safaree. I'm sorry," he said. "It's okay... You were right. I'm sure you're dying to leap for joy right now," I smiled slightly. "That's what you think I'm going to do? Nah, Babe. I'm not sick in the head," he shook his head. "Well, thanks for stopping by," I spoke. "You know it's nothing, Baby girl," he touched my cheek. I smiled slightly while looking down. "Listen.. If you're hurting then I'm hurting. There ain't no more 'I'ma feel how I wanna feel and purposely oppose you' shit. You're happy, I'm happy. You're pissed off, I'm pissed off... You love Daniel... Shit, I'ma love Daniel too. You hear me?" he gazed deeply into my eyes. I smiled and nodded. "Thank you, Jeremiah," I hugged his torso. "I got you, Baby girl," he assured me. "Oh, I didn't know you were here," I could hear Serene. "Hey, Serene," Jeremiah smiled slightly. She looked at me as if asking for permission for something as he approached her. I simply nodded before he hugged her. She hugged back taking my okay to do so. She proceeded into the kitchen before Jeremiah turned towards me...

He took my hand into his and kissed the back of it. "Let's go out for ice cream," he suggested. "Nah, Josh has got me enough comfort food," I shook my head. "Josh?" he rose an eyebrow. "Serene's boyfriend," I answered. "Oh," he nodded with a slight smile. "Well... He left you all those poems. Are you going to go through them?" he asked, getting back on the topic of Daniel. "I don't know if I'm in the mood," I shook my head apprehensively. "Come on, Baby girl.. You have to.. For Daniel," he told me. I sighed. "Maybe later," I replied. There was a silence between us. "Have you done all your crying?" he asked. "No," I replied. "Why not?" he inquired, his eyebrows furrowing. "Everybody mourns differently," I replied. It was a lame excuse, but I didn't really want to talk about Daniel or Daniel's death or anything. I, honestly, just wanted silence. Company was nice but only silent company...

"Safaree, you need to--." "Jeremiah, I think you need to leave," I sighed. He stared at me for several moments before slowly taking my hand into his. "Jeremiah--." "Safaree, you've got to express yourself. It's unhealthy if you don't," he said. "Jeremiah, I kn--." "Come on," he led me to my room. He sat on my bed, me standing in front of him. He stared up at me, and I was expecting his hands to find its way onto my hips and pull me onto his lap. From there, he would begin kissing me and telling me he loves me... None of it happened, and when it didn't happen, I realized that that was what usually would've happened, but... Jeremiah and I aren't together anymore. I began kind of tearing up at the fact. I miss having him to myself, and having the honor of calling him mine. I miss him being his adorable self and telling me he loves me. I miss my Jer Bear, but I reminded myself that this isn't the ending for us. It's just a break...

"Come on, sit down," he patted the spot next to him. I stared at him, tears welling up even more. "Come on.. Sit down," he looked up at me, sudden sorrow in his eyes. I knew it pained him to see me hurting or on the verge of tears. "Safaree," he whispered while slowly standing. He towered over me, and I couldn't handle looking into his eyes anymore. He did just what I yearned for him to, wrapping his arms around me. He pulled me close and sat me down on his lap, my legs on either side of him. I cried on his shoulder and clung to him tightly. All my emotions for Daniel and all my missing Jeremiah combined and began to pour out of me. "The two most important guys to me aren't with me the way I'd prefer," I sobbed... "What do you mean, Baby?" he caressed my cheek, gazing into my eyes. "One's dead, and the other one isn't mine anymore," I spoke while taking staccato breaths like I was a little kid. He stared into my eyes before pecking my lips. "I'm yours. I'll always be yours," he whispered. "Prove it... Please," I looked at him with pleading eyes. "Not h--." "Please," I begged, gripping his shirt. He gazed into my eyes and kissed my lips again. I could feel the fire begin to burn between us as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. "I love you," I whispered as he left kisses along my jaw. "You don't know how much you mean to me," he mumbled against my skin. Each kiss sent a nerve-wrecking wave through my body and a bigger, brighter flame to burn in my core. I had so many emotions, and I just didn't know what to do with them. I was sad for the loss of Daniel, and happy to have Jeremiah back in my arms like this, and angry with the fact that it'd taken so long to figure out that Daniel died, and feening for the feeling of Jeremiah exploring me. Love and pain burned in my heart as he laid me on the bed. We were moments away from making love for the first time in months. We just stared at one another, taking in the moment.