Poems For Daniel

Thirty-Three

I held my emotions in for two days straight. "Safaree, you can't be doing this to yourself. Give me some kind of reaction!" Serene told me. I ignored her and continued my walk out of the house. I grabbed no breakfast; I just left. I drove to Jeremiah's house, my stomach churning as I did so. I hated to come to him, but we needed to talk, and he was only one who could bring me out of this emotional drought. I rang his doorbell, standing there for several moments. The door swung open, and there he stood. "Hey, Safaree," he smiled. "What are you doing here?" "Can we go to the park?" I asked, my face blank. He seemed to be confused but nodded his head anyway. He went back to get his car keys before we left. I sat on the passenger side as he drove us to our usual spot, in the woods near the park. We sat on the hood of the truck in silence for several moments. "So, uh... What's wrong? Why'd you want to come here? With me?" he asked. "I can't be in the presence of my friend for a minute?" I looked at him, catching a bit of an attitude. "I'm sorry. This is just kind of random. I mean, it's ten in the morning on a Sunday. You're usually not even up until two o'clock... I mean, if I knew that you'd be coming to my house, I would've got us some breakfast or something," he said... I sighed. "Do you not enjoy my company, Jeremiah?" I asked. "I'm not trying to argue with you, Safaree," he laughed slightly. "I just asked a simple question... What's wrong anyway? You seemed really detached," he said. "I'm not," I blandly said. "Look at how you're speaking right now," he pointed out...

"Jeremiah.. I liked the silence much more," I sighed. "If you liked the silence so much, you should've stayed at home," he muttered. I rolled my eyes. "You think you want to repeat that?" I asked, looking at him. "I said that if you liked the silence so much, you should've stayed your ass at home," he repeated. "I don't like being alone... You know that," I said while facing forward again. He moved closer toward me before his arm was draped onto my shoulders. His hand rubbed my arm as if I were cold. His head rested on my shoulder as his other hand rested on my knee. "Tell me what's wrong... Please, Safaree," he pleaded. I was quiet for several moments before I finally got the nerve to speak up. I swallowed the lump in my throat before taking a deep breath...

"You were right... You were so right, and I'm sorry," I tried to keep a straight face, but I couldn't. Two days worth of emotional withhold was suddenly coming out. I hugged him tightly as tears began streaming down my cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Jeremiah," I sobbed. He seemed a bit confused, not knowing what I was talking about. He still comforted me either way. He rubbed my back and caressed my cheek, wiping my tears. "Stop apologizing," he told me. "I can't... I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry," I gazed into his eyes. I leaned in to kiss him, but he leaned back with his hand still on my cheek. "What about starting over?" he asked... "D-Don't worry about it," I whispered, leaning in again. "Wait... You're hurting right now. I don't want to take advantage of you while you're hurting... Whatever you're hurting about," he said. "J--." "No, because when you act when you're hurting, I might think we're back together or something. And, when you're not hurting anymore, I'll just be bugging you and--." I kissed him anyway, the pain in my heart being soothed. The pain was burning away, and I felt as though a void was being filled. I moved closer to him as our lips moved slowly and sensually. His thumb ran along my freckles, internally driving me crazy. Butterflies were fluttering all over the place, in my stomach, and my core was on fire. My hand was on his knee, and it was only moving higher. "Safaree, wait," he pulled away. I pulled his lips back to mine as I began unbuckling his belt. He pushed me away. "Yo, chill! I'm not trying to--." "Jeremiah, please! I need you, and you're pushing me away," I looked at him with pleading eyes...

"Safaree, I want to help. I really, really do want to help, but not like this, Baby," he put his hand on my shoulder. I sighed. "I'm sorry," I whispered. He hugged me. It felt good to be held by him again. It was comforting...We got back in the car and he took me out for breakfast. We sat and ate pancakes in silence. "Do you want to tell me what exactly I'm right about?" he asked. "I'm not ready," I shook my head. "Okay.. Well, whenever you're ready, I'll be ready," he replied... "How's school be going?" I asked him. "Pretty well. I have all A's and B's and a C," he replied. I smiled at the thought. He was failing all his classes when we first met. "How's school for you?" he asked. "It's okay," I replied. He nodded... "How are your boys?" I asked. He chuckled. "I don't know how you haven't figured it out yet, but... I haven't been down with them for months now. That's why I always had so much free time," he answered. "Oh," I simply replied. "Your friends seem really cool though," he added. "Yeah, they are... You should hang more," I said. "Nah, nah. I don't want to intrude--." "You won't be intruding. I'm sure everybody likes you," I said. He half shrugged while continuing to eat his pancakes. "You know, Cykeem saw us kissing," I said. "Really?" his eyebrows raised. I nodded. "He must like you," he smirked. I sighed. "Yeah, but--." "You should go for him," he told me. My eyebrows furrowed. "Why?" I asked. He laughed. "You're single. Have a little fun," he told me. "I don't know," I shrugged. "Safaree... We have our space; we just need to take it and explore," he touched my hand. I laughed a bit. "I was telling you this. Now, the script has flipped," I said. He smirked...

"So... Are you seeing anybody?" I asked. "Nah," he shook his head while taking his hand from mine. "Why not?" I asked. "You know why," he smiled while shaking his head. "I don't," I replied. He paid for our check before we began leaving. We were walking toward his Jeep when I spoke. "You still haven't told me why." "It's because I still love you and I don't know any one that can take your place," he answered. He took my hand into his and faced me. We stared into each other's eyes as he pulled me closer. His hand being on my hip sent shivers through me. He licked his lips before leaning toward my ear. "Honestly... I'm waiting for us to come back to each other. Yeah, we should explore but... Nobody's gonna have my heart like you," he stated before slowly pulling away and kissing my forehead. "I love you," he whispered. "I love you too," I smiled slightly...

The rest of the day was fine. Jeremiah and I spent time together, and it was fun.. It was really fun, actually. It was the most fun we've had period... "Safaree... When do you think you'll be able to talk about whatever was on your mind this morning?" he inquired. "Not now," I answered. "Well, just call me when you're ready, alright?" he spoke. "Alright," I smiled slightly. He drove back to his house so I could get my car. "Thanks, J," I kissed his cheek. "No problem... I'll see you around," he replied. I got in my car and drove home. It was about sunset when I returned home. As soon as I stepped into my room, I felt gray again. Everything was black and white again, and a weight returned onto my shoulders. "Safaree," I heard a voice. I turned to see Serene. "Are you okay?" she asked. "I'm fine," I nodded. "Josh brought more comfort food while you were gone," she smirked. "Your boyfriend is trying to make me fat," I shook my head with a slight smile. "He just cares, that's all," she shrugged. "Well, tell him I said thank you," I smiled. She nodded before leaving my room...

I took a shower and got dressed in something simple. I laid in bed, but I couldn't go to sleep. I was staring at the ceiling, in the dark. I looked at the time... It was nearly 3:00 in the morning. It's been that long? I sighed before grabbing my phone. I called Jeremiah. "Hello?" he answered, obviously just waking up. "Jeremiah..." I spoke. "Oh, hey, Safaree. What's up?" he yawned. I took a deep breath...

"Daniel's dead."