Poems For Daniel

Twenty-Six

I returned home around 8:30 in the evening, leaving Jeremy to a sticky mess of ice cream. I didn't have the chance to shower off the stickyness, so when I got home, that's all I wanted to do. I didn't even get three steps past the kitchen when I was stopped though. Who was I stopped by? My mother. "Safaree... Get in here," she called. I sighed, making my way where she was cooking. "So, Serene told me that you and Jeremiah are getting married," she sighed, not taking even a glance at me. "Oh, Mom, I--." "Shut your mouth. I'm talking," she calmy spoke. My lips were zipped. "Now, you know this is a bit difficult for me to digest, seeing as though I haven't even officially forgiven him, but... I can tell by the way he looks at you that he loves you... That's how your father used to look at me," she spoke. I rolled my eyes at the mentioning of that deadbeat that ran from his responsibilities. "I'm not saying that you two shouldn't get married. I'm not saying that I wouldn't want you getting married to Jeremiah, but I want you two to wait. Your father and I got married young, and--." "He couldn't handle the pressure of two kids," I stated what I assumed what would the reason as if it were the truth. She sighed and shook her head. "This isn't about him, okay? This is about you and Jeremiah. I see the love between you two, but just wait. Spend a little time apart to mature and figure out if this is really what you want. There's a whole world out there, Safaree," she told me. "We already tried that... This is what we both want, Ma. No one has ever or will ever have my heart like Jeremiah does," I responded...

"What about Daniel?"

My heart felt like it had been stabbed. It was as if the question wasn't physically asked, but I still heard it. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach and tears were being summoned to my eyes. "Safaree, are you okay?" my mother's eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I-I'm going to go lay down," I managed to say. I went into the shower first (of course) and tried to shake off my thoughts of Daniel and my sudden sickness. It wasn't working, and I ended up staying in the shower for about 45 minutes to an hour. I got dressed in pajamas and curled up under my bed sheets. "I'll just sleep this off. Yeah, it'll be all good when I awaken," I mumbled to myself while closing my eyes...

"Would you marry me if I was Daniel?" "Look at who's making you cry right now. Did Daniel ever make you cry?" "He's dead anyway." "You still love him whether you want to admit it or not." "Do you miss him?" "Why do you still wear that necklace Daniel gave you?" "I"m sorry for not being Daniel." "You loved him more than you love me." ""Your heart still belongs to Daniel." "He's gone... He's fucking dead, Safaree!"

"Hey... Hey, why are you crying?" a voice asked. I looked up, my vision blurred as if I were drunk. It was that guy.. The same guy named D. from that Christmas party, or at least what I could make out of him. I sniffed, trying to make my tears retreat. "I'm still in love with someone, and my boyfriend is insecure because of it," I sighed. "Tell your boyfriend to stop being a little bitch," he replied. I wanted to laugh, but I wasn't in the mood. I simply pouted at him, making him sigh. He picked me up as if I weighed nothing and carried me into a bedroom. He laid me on the bed and kissed my forehead as I began crying again. "Shh... It's okay, Baby girl," he whispered. "No, it's not! He left me, and no one's telling me where he is. I just wish I got to tell him how I feel to his face. I wish I told him I love him... I wish I got some fucking goodbye. That boy was my life! That boy was my whole world and so much more! He was my heart, and he didn't even know!" I cried. "Your boyfriend?" he asked. "No... Daniel," I answered with a sniff. The guy gazed into my eyes for an eternity before simply pecking my lips and bringing me into a warm, tight embrace. "I'm sure... I'm sure he loved you too," he said.

The tears stopped as soon as my body was against his. There was this warm burning in my heart that made me feel only how I felt with Daniel. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as something began to slowly but surely click. "Oh my gosh," I whispered before pulling away from the hug. I looked into his dark eyes and parted my lips to speak, but before I could question who he was, he kissed my lips again. His large hands ended up on my cheeks as our lips continued moving. I started to pull away, but he stopped me with his hands still on the sides of my face. "Please... Please don't fight this," he whispered, his velvety soft lips brushing against mine. Shortly after, our lips locked again. I ended up with my back against the bed and him lying between my thighs. He left kisses up and down my neck as our fingers laced before looking into my eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked...

"I love y--."

My alarm clock beeped repeatedly, snapping me out of my dream. I popped up from my position in bed and took in my surroundings. That's when I realized that it was all a fucking dream. "Everything seemed so real," I whispered, feeling myself shaking. I sat up in bed for the next hour, gathering my thoughts. The only thing I was gathering were thoughts of Daniel and only Daniel. I thought I'd be able to sleep off those thoughts of him, but it didn't work. It actually backfired on me..

I ended up having a dream about D, who I met at the Christmas party... Then, I got to really thinking...

I was having all these thoughts about Daniel, and then I have a dream about D. I then began to draw conclusions. D could be Daniel. I mean, the last letters calling me Baby. And, how well he took care of me when I was with him. D is... Daniel.

"Oh my gosh," I whispered, going into my nightstand drawer. I rummaged through, trying to find that note that D left me.

The only thing I found was a blank sheet of paper.